Having only recently recovered my composure after learning that I could hire a [1980s] executive jet from my neighbouring village to fly to anywhere I wanted, I take a renewed interest in what a knowledge of my GPS location, presumed access to my Google profile and robot marketing algorithms created by idiots can do to enliven my online experience.
There are, it seems, some very attractive female lawyers who live in lofty apartments in this same village; they all drive top-of-the-range American cars, and they can't wait to meet me. I can understand this, of course.
If I had been worrying about what sort of local experience I could offer these ladies (who are obviously used to only the very best), these same advertisers might now offer some helpful ideas.
All right then, how about a river cruise at Haddington? Now you are talking. If you don't believe me, take a look at this, and eat your heart out...
... and, just as a fact check, here is a more familiar view of the River Tyne at Haddington, as we know it. The water is certainly deep enough for the swans, though the old Nungate Bridge looks a little tight for a cruiser. And then there's the weir...
My location has somehow been geolocated/moved within spitting distance of a wealth of (very long-legged) Ukrainian ladies. They are apparently bored and looking for fun chat/meet ups.
ReplyDeletePerhaps Google have put me in a parallel universe where Putin does not exist?
If so, can I still get Wagon Wheels that are "bigger than the both of us"?
Do not let these ladies get you to sign anything. Are you the man in Britain that likes Wagon Wheels? I never understood them - too much expanded polystyrene.
DeleteThose pics bring back some memories. I lived in Haddington for a while in the 90s.
ReplyDeleteStill a lovely area - we are hoping it might stop raining in late June.
DeleteSo, how much is the new cruise then??
ReplyDeleteI didn't look to find out - apart from from concern about having GULLIBLE cookies implanted, I'm frightened of the crocodiles.
DeleteHaha - fair enough!
DeleteYou should book one of those cruises. Look at how much better the weather looks in that bit of Haddington.
ReplyDeleteThat's very true - I must check that out. Weather around here is nuts, by the way. Some years ago, I woke one clear, frosty morning and had an appointment at the Court building in Haddington. It's an 11 mile drive - it was dry all the way there, but Haddington itself was completely choked up with fresh snowdrifts 2 to 3 feet deep. They also get occasional bad flooding; must all be to do with river valleys.
DeleteCould be worse, you could get an add for one of those mystery coach tours I know they run at Garvald!!!
ReplyDeleteYes! - one of my favourite stories - thanks for reminding me of it - you must tell it again, first opportunity!
DeleteI was talking with one of my colleagues about her ongoing back problems the other week. I've since been inundated with ads for quick and easy solutions for sciatica! Perhaps the new Haddington cruise can help with that too?
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it will. These mystery prompts for advertising are disturbing. Recently I had an email conversation with a friend about health matters, and for a few weeks afterwards I was targeted by ads for a prostate treatment clinic in Tennessee...
DeleteI have just about abandoned the use of Facebook to say anything personal now anyway. At least (as far as I know) the Royal Mail didn't open my letters to see if they could sell me anything. Or maybe they did?