Hooptedoodle 504 - They're Definitely Trying to KIll Me

This is a photo of my current car. It may be the ugliest car I've ever owned, it is most certainly the cleverest. It is also probable that I may be the most stupid individual ever to drive one of these. At dinner, following the recent game at Stryker's, conversation briefly turned to the pressure inflicted on motorists by the latest technological solutions to problems we never even realised we had. This was all jocular and well-intentioned. I hadn't realised that my own car would have a louder laugh at my expense on the way home.

To put this in context, Stryker's home is in a small village in a very quiet area - the absence of light pollution is such that as I type this there may well be scientists in another galaxy, studying the place. I can tell you that after some initial uncertainty as to how the lights were working, I arrived at a road junction, close to the Front of Beyond, to find it was completely black - couldn't see a thing.

[1] What I did not say to myself, as I came to a stop somewhere close to where I thought the Give Way line might be, was, "oh gosh - of course, my car just had its first service a couple of days ago, and they must have switched off all the automatic driver aids - especially the lights. How silly of me not to have thought of this earlier; I shall switch the lights to AUTO at once - fortunately, I know where this control is..."

 [2] What I did say to myself was a loud and rather repetitive incantation concerning Holy Mary and her relationship to Our Saviour.

 However, the lights did go on, and - to maintain the religious theme - you could see for bloody miles. 

All right then - no marks for roadmanship, but the terror levels decreased abruptly. A focused learning experience, as we used to say at work, years ago.

Incident closed, then. Yes, except that this morning I went for a haircut, and the hairdresser told me that she has recently had the same adventure. In her case too it was the vehicle's first service, and - like me - she had never driven it without all the aids switched on. In her case the service was carried out by her local Volkswagen dealer, who also ran a routine software upgrade which seems to have failed. It occurs to me that this must be a situation which is less rare than I might have expected, and suggests that anyone who gets a modern car serviced should be left with a printed notice which says, "Servicing your vehicle required some changes to, or resetting of, driver aids which you may have come to rely on; recommend you check you can still drive the thing before you set off. Have a nice day." 

Describe the accident in your own words.

Never saw a bloody thing.