Having only recently recovered my composure after learning that I could hire a [1980s] executive jet from my neighbouring village to fly to anywhere I wanted, I take a renewed interest in what a knowledge of my GPS location, presumed access to my Google profile and robot marketing algorithms created by idiots can do to enliven my online experience.
There are, it seems, some very attractive female lawyers who live in lofty apartments in this same village; they all drive top-of-the-range American cars, and they can't wait to meet me. I can understand this, of course.
If I had been worrying about what sort of local experience I could offer these ladies (who are obviously used to only the very best), these same advertisers might now offer some helpful ideas.
Kelso sheep sales? No - probably not
Tickets to watch Dunbar United in an Easterly gale, with the possibility of a Scotch Pie and a cup of Bovril at half time? Nah - not really
What about a trip to the Seabird Centre? With an ice cream and a chance to make a crayon drawing of a jellyfish? A bit specialised, maybe
Fine dining - how about fish and chips at the North Berwick Fry? Come on - is there no sophistication on offer?
All right then, how about a river cruise at Haddington? Now you are talking. If you don't believe me, take a look at this, and eat your heart out...
... and, just as a fact check, here is a more familiar view of the River Tyne at Haddington, as we know it. The water is certainly deep enough for the swans, though the old Nungate Bridge looks a little tight for a cruiser. And then there's the weir...