Hooptedoodle #485 - a Rare Touch of Class - Cleo Laine

 A respectful note from me for the passing of Dame Cleo, who has died at the age of 97. Here's a little dalliance with Shakespeare; my favourite track from what was one of my very favourite albums when I was a student (and subsequently, in fact).

 

Hooptedoodle #484 - Unwanted Immigrant

 

I am depressed to be reminded that Jeffrey's ugly friend will be arriving on Friday for a 5-day visit to Scotland. 

Why is he coming? We certainly don't want him here, and - given his record - I'm surprised they would let him in.

It seems he will visit his own golf courses at Turnberry and Aberdeen. No doubt he will break the course record at each, and there may be some carefully vetted press sessions, so that he may rant incontinently about irrelevancies. I certainly expect that any incidental exposure he has to the actual Scottish public will leave him in no doubt how much he is loved and respected here.

 

The clubhouse at Trump Turnberry was not looking its best in April this year, after it was subjected to an attack of what is officially termed "malicious mischief". It has been cleaned up now, and there are also some very expensive enhancements to the course. No doubt our VIP visitor will be reopening it. I hope it pisses with rain.

Our Prime Minister is to travel up here for a meeting of some sort in Aberdeen. Whatever. Why a meeting in Aberdeen? Maybe it will be easier to avoid someone punching the Orange Nose this far from London? Starmer's attendance has something to do with refinements to an earth-shaking non-event masquerading as a trade deal. Why Sir Keir would waste his time having a discussion with a lunatic who changes his mind every day, and who hasn't the merest grasp of the basics of trade, diplomacy or integrity, escapes me. 

[Digression: In an idle moment, I was wondering whether anyone knows whether Washington or Lincoln used to spend all their time making stuff up and spouting about how great they were? Maybe they had other things to do - history doesn't seem to mention it, anyway. I think I am sufficiently interested in this idea to see if AI could manage a suitably edited re-write of the Gettysburg Address.]

Mostly I'm avoiding news topics like this at present, and I must say my health appears to be showing some benefit as a result. However, I also have to say that I am very uncomfortable about the forthcoming state visit (no capitalisation) when the Unmentionable One is to visit our King at Windsor Castle. It is probably polite to extend the hand of hospitality to heads of state, but this visit is going to be met with considerable public hostility, which potentially places His Majesty (that's His REAL Majesty) in a difficult position politically. Maybe, to ensure there is no trouble at dinner, a company of Beefeaters could attend, in full dress?  It goes without saying, the beefeater joke would be further enhanced by the serving of a vegan dinner.

Also, King Charles might take the opportunity to ask his guest where he was educated, since his spoken English is clearly not anyone's first language. 

Hooptedoodle #483 - A Little Help Goes a Long Way [Artificial WHAT?]

 Two days ago, I am awake at 05:00. It looks a bit gloomy outside, so I am pondering whether I will need to do my early morning pyjama run, watering the shrubs, and whether I will get a chance to do a little more weedkiller spraying of the gravel driveway today.

I decide to get advice from the electronic friend and helper on my phone, who is always faithfully awaiting a chance to serve.

05:06 - "Siri, what is the forecast today?"

Siri - "Today it will be mostly clear; daytime temperatures will rise to 18degC, with overnight lows of 13degC"

Fair enough - maybe I should keep an extra sweater handy, but that sounds OK. My alarm is set for 06:30, so I can enjoy a preparatory snooze until then. Better just check...

05:10 - "Siri, will it rain today?"

Siri - "There is very little chance of rain"

Righto - that will do nicely.

My snooze is suddenly disturbed by heavy rain hammering on the Velux window above my head. What the...? What is the story now?

06:15 - "Siri, will it rain today?" 

Siri - "There is very little chance of rain"

Maybe an alternative approach is required...

06:16 - "Siri, at what time will it rain?"

Siri - "It's raining now"

 

It's OK - this is a library photo of someone else's garden, for dramatic effect

We have to be grateful, I know, but I may go back to keeping a piece of seaweed in a jam jar on the window-sill. 

A Little Testing in the Shade

 Since I have a few quiet days, and it really is getting pretty warm out in the garden, I am having a few sessions on the Dining Room table, rolling dice and seeing how some rules scribblings shape up. This week's mission is to add a set of tweaks to my WSS rules to make them work for the ECW. Things are going all right at the moment.

I was out this morning at 06:30, to water our new plants. There is no immediate likelihood of a hosepipe ban here - this county has more than enough water, but I like to get it done early just to be on the safe side, in case the environmental vigilantes are on the prowl. The timing also allows me to go outside in pyjamas and dressing gown (and straw hat, and gardening boots) - one does not have to look one's best. At that time of the morning, I can also enjoy the singing of the blackbird and the song thrush in residence, since they sit on top of the tallest tree on the other side of the lane and attempt to shout each other down. Excellent.

 

The inside of our front hedge has a line of extra bushes embedded in it, which give a lot of additional colour at different times of the year; I should have taken a decent close-up, but you can just about make out that the Fuschia is in full flower at the moment

 

This one is an immigrant - this is my neighbour's sweet pea, which is growing through the fence, so we can enjoy it too

 

One of our recent arrivals is a Prunus named Bonaparte. No new growth at the moment (it shows up bright red), but young Boney is doing a brave job standing to attention in the hot, humid conditions. All the new shrubs have now had their leader shoots pruned, to encourage them to bush out. Bushing out is good

***** Late Edit *****

Completely separate topic - I've been looking at some specifications for a possible new car, and am keen to make sure that the luggage carrying capacity is better than my current vehicle. I'll certainly find some more details online, so am not unduly concerned, but I am astounded that the manufacturer specifies the capacity of the boot (trunk) in litres. Interesting.

Two obvious questions present themselves:

(1) What possible use is this? Unless I convert my luggage into a liquid, and pump it aboard, I can't see that such a figure helps very much.

(2) What on earth do they think their customers intend to carry?

********************* 

Hooptedoodle #482 - Get the Word to Neil - I nearly made it into the 21st Century

 I was having a read of my football team's website, and there was an offer of a free download of the season's fixtures into my calendar. Sounds OK, so I made sure I was signed in, clicked a few things and set about setting this up. 

Very quickly, it became apparent that this isn't going to happen unless I sign up to something called ECAL, which appears primarily to be a marketing tool. I am sure it works very nicely, but I had to agree to ECAL having full access to the information in my diary, for whatever reason they wish, and the ability to add or delete data.

Screech of brakes - no thank you. My diary contains medical stuff and all sorts of personal contact info, and a pretty thorough record of where I've been and what I've done for the last 12 years or so. I'm not daft - I understand that ECAL can obtain all this from my Google account anyway, but I have not given explicit permission for that, so they would be breaking the law. This is different.

I shall enjoy my pathetic little fightback - every single time I have to look up the fixture dates elsewhere; ECAL, whatever they represent, can go and do one, as quickly as they like.

 

Hooptedoodle #481 - The King's Card

 

It will be my mother's 100th birthday on Monday. She doesn't know it will be her birthday, and she will not notice when it happens. The poor old soul is resident in a nursing home in Berwick upon Tweed, where she is wonderfully well looked after and is as comfortable as we can possibly make her, but she cannot walk, or see, or make sense of any sounds. She sleeps most of the time - they get her into some sort of semi-conscious state to feed her, but she doesn't communicate and as far as I am aware she has no idea where she is or what is going on.

I visit once a week, though she is not aware of my visits, and in fact she hasn't known me for about 5 years now. That's OK - it's a routine - I visit this very old lady, who doesn't remember me and appears to have nothing to do with any mother I ever had. Mostly, I think, I do it for my own peace of mind. I sit with her for an hour or so each week - I haven't seen her awake in about 6 months. I make sure her radio is quietly tuned to her favourite classical station (just in case she can hear it) and before I leave I chat with the staff about how she has been.  

A 100th birthday is a serious business in the UK. You get a greeting card from the Monarch. One advance in recent years has been that, if you are in receipt of the State Pension, this all goes ahead automatically. So I have been waiting to see how it all works.

About a month ago I received an undated letter from the DWP, the main message of which was:

We have attempted to contact you to organise congratulatory messages for their 100th birthday.

As their representative, you can arrange for cards to be issued from the King via the Centenarian Team.

All we need is for you to confirm that the personal information we hold on the Department for Work and Pensions' records is correct.

What to do next

If you would like the team to organise the messages on your behalf, or you would like more information, please get in touch with us. Our contact details are at the top of this letter.

Yours sincerely

 

W R Swanson
Office manager

Righto - here we go - the system has everything under control. Only slight concerns were:

(1) There was no mention of what personal information they wish to have confirmed, though they gave my mother's name and National Insurance number, and they obviously have some idea that she is going to be 100.

(2) The National Insurance number was incorrect. [Goodness me - don't tell me that all this digital magnificence is manned by idiots, after all? Surely no-one expected that?]

 I leaped into action - I spent a singularly unproductive 45 minutes waiting for someone to answer the supplied phone number (which is in Newcastle), and then typed up an old-fashioned letter and sent it to the supplied postal address (which is in Wolverhampton), confirming that, yes, I did want the Centenarian Team to send out a card, thank you very much, and pointing out the error in the NI number.

Two weeks later I received another letter from the DWP, which turned out to be an exact repeat of the original undated letter, complete with incorrect NI number. With some vague idea that I was already in the system, I refused to worry about this, and waited for a meaningful reply, aware that the time left for arranging a greetings card was disappearing fast.

I received what was clearly a reply to my letter - this dated 3rd June, though I received it on the 9th. All it contained was some generalised acknowledgement of my notifying them of a "change of circumstances" - there was no mention of greetings cards, and the Newcastle phone number no longer appeared. I am left to assume that the DWP's computer is very busy. 

In two days I shall travel down to Berwick for the "big" day. I expect that no card will be sent to me before then; it is possible that there may be one sent direct to the nursing home (the DWP have that address), but I doubt it. Since my mum will not know that it is her birthday, and since no-one would in any case be able to explain to her that she had received a card, or what a card was, I have to accept that it really doesn't matter. I may be pilloried by the nursing home staff for failing to arrange the King's card, but that is the least of my worries. 

 

I understand that this is what the card looks like, if you get one. I have to say that I am very impressed with the idea of sending a picture of oneself as a birthday greeting, and am thinking seriously of getting a supply of suitable cards printed up. No expense spared for my friends, I assure you - I know how much they'll appreciate it

 

***** Late Edit *****

 

Well, the card did turn up on time, so all due credit and respect to those involved. The system works, even if it does not feel very robust during the process. I knew the King wouldn't let my mum down...

 

 

********************* 

WSS: Action at the Damebrunnen (Sept 1704) by Zoom

 On Thursday I had the pleasure of hosting what for me is an ambitious WSS battle - 5 players, quite fussy terrain, lots of troops.

The scenario was based on one I had played before; Franco-Bavarian force (commanded by Marshal Marsin) occupies a key position on the only road capable of getting the Allied siege train (confiscated from Ulm) into position to lay siege to the important fortress at Landau. The Allies send forward a force which includes Imperial, British and Hessen-Kassel troops, commanded by Karl Thüngen, to chase Marsin away.

Marsin has 4 brigades; Thüngen has 6, but 2 of his are delayed. At the outset, Marsin has a slight advantage in numbers and a strong position on a ridge overlooking the road, while the Allies' advanced troops are stomping onto the table up the road and through an adjoining wood; when the Allies' delayed brigades arrive, they will have overall superiority, but will have to get themselves sorted out quickly to bring this advantage to bear.

JBM and Jon were the Franco-Bavs, and Chris, Dave B and Dave C had the Allies.

The French side adopted a very aggressive "defence", going for the enemy vigorously to disrupt them before the reinforcements became involved. 

 

Starting positions. On the Damebrunnen ridge opposite, the Bavarians are on their right flank, based in and around the village of Weißkirch, and the French on their left. On the near side of the table, Austrian troops are advancing along the road and in the farmland on both sides of it, while the (extremely red) British are moving forward through the Binningwald forest. The stream which is visible - the Pfefferbach - is a minor water-splash which is not expected to slow the advance down very much

 

The action commences, and the Franco-Bavarians are straight out of the stalls!

 

Withers' British infantry in the woods - the French are coming across the table at them, and there is a major cavalry fight breaking out on the right of the picture...

 

... as you see here - Henry Lumley's British horse (red cube) getting involved with De Broglie's French lads. The Brits did well initially, but lost momentum rather

 

Bavarians on their right and in the centre making rapid progress with their attack

 

The British foot are still in the Binningwald, but by Turn 4 the Allied reinforcements arrive - more Austrian cavalry on the flank (Cusani), and the Hessian infantry (Wilken) on the far side of the wood

 

General Tourouvre gets as far as the British-held wood - splish-splash

 

The battle took a while to build up to full fury, but then it finished quickly. Here Jon sends the Wolframsdorf Cuirassiers forward in the decisive attack, with General Weichel; they eliminated a further Allied Cavalry unit and a battery, and the game is won...

 

A couple of extra pictures: here you see a detachment holding part of Weißkirch - my "detachment" rule is a straight copy of the "garrison" rule from C&CN - the troops here are one of the companies from my siege spares. They were pleased to get a bit of fresh air, but they had a very quiet time

 

 

And here you see a fine publicity shot of Marshal Marsin and his staff going in with the Bavarian attack - this must be one for the engravers

It was a smashing, jovial evening - I had to leave markers and a few extra counters around the place to help me remember where we were up to (bad form if the umpire loses the plot), but it was really very enjoyable. As ever, my sincere thanks to my colleagues for their company and good-humoured preparedness to "muck in", as my Preston grannie would have said, and their ability to cope cheerfully with the residual shortcomings of what is still an evolving rule set.

Thank you, gentlemen!