To: email@example.com Today 10:57am
Subject: Creativity vs Function
Hi there - yesterday I bought a greetings card published by XYZ Design.
Now that I sit down to write the thing, and open the plastic package, I am surprised to find that the envelope is black. Just plain black.
It doesn't happen often, but I am speechless with admiration. My compliments. Unfortunately, due to a sad lack of foresight on my part, I do not have a white pen with which to address the envelope, so my enthusiasm is not as complete as it might have been.
Whoever thought this one up really should go and have a look at themselves in the mirror - preferably with the light turned off.
Normally I would like to think I can handle a small matter like this without the Victor Meldew impression, but I also believe that the paying customer is entitled to an opinion. What I have done is pinch a spare white envelope of the right size from one of last year's Xmas cards, so all is well. I could also, of course, have applied a label to the black envelope, but I think I would need some preliminary lab study of the likely effect on the adhesive of black paper dye, and time is short. Also, I am not confident just how old my roll of labels is, so this is not a straightforward matter, and the replacement envelope will be fine. In any case, if I 'm going to supply my own label, I might as well knock up my own envelope, with some old pages from a jotter and some selotape, and maybe make up my own card with coloured pasta and old yogurt pots.
I have already nominated the greetings stationery industry for a Donkey Award in a previous post, in recognition of glossy and dark coloured envelopes which will not take a legible address - in consequence, I am not proposing to go to the Full Donkey for today's episode - these awards are not so easy to earn.
While I am enthusing about the retail industry, the Contesse reports that she has been awarded a special gift box by Marks & Spencer, no less, because she has spent a certain amount recently on clothes and suchlike. She has a busy day today, but since she was driving into the city anyway she planned to stop at M&S shortly after 8am to collect her reward for support of the Directors' Pension Fund.
Problem - it seems the gift box contains a bottle of wine, amongst other comestibles, and it is against the law for UK retail outlets to sell alcohol before 10am. Ah, I hear you protest, but they were not selling this bottle, they were giving it away, and no-one had asked for it. Well, you are correct, but it makes no difference - they may not give away alcohol before 10am either. In consequence, the Contesse had to rearrrange her day slightly so she could call back at the store once the sun was officially above the yardarm.