Hooptedoodle 504 - They're Definitely Trying to KIll Me

This is a photo of my current car. It may be the ugliest car I've ever owned, it is most certainly the cleverest. It is also probable that I may be the most stupid individual ever to drive one of these. At dinner, following the recent game at Stryker's, conversation briefly turned to the pressure inflicted on motorists by the latest technological solutions to problems we never even realised we had. This was all jocular and well-intentioned. I hadn't realised that my own car would have a louder laugh at my expense on the way home.

To put this in context, Stryker's home is in a small village in a very quiet area - the absence of light pollution is such that as I type this there may well be scientists in another galaxy, studying the place. I can tell you that after some initial uncertainty as to how the lights were working, I arrived at a road junction, close to the Front of Beyond, to find it was completely black - couldn't see a thing.

[1] What I did not say to myself, as I came to a stop somewhere close to where I thought the Give Way line might be, was, "oh gosh - of course, my car just had its first service a couple of days ago, and they must have switched off all the automatic driver aids - especially the lights. How silly of me not to have thought of this earlier; I shall switch the lights to AUTO at once - fortunately, I know where this control is..."

 [2] What I did say to myself was a loud and rather repetitive incantation concerning Holy Mary and her relationship to Our Saviour.

 However, the lights did go on, and - to maintain the religious theme - you could see for bloody miles. 

All right then - no marks for roadmanship, but the terror levels decreased abruptly. A focused learning experience, as we used to say at work, years ago.

Incident closed, then. Yes, except that this morning I went for a haircut, and the hairdresser told me that she has recently had the same adventure. In her case too it was the vehicle's first service, and - like me - she had never driven it without all the aids switched on. In her case the service was carried out by her local Volkswagen dealer, who also ran a routine software upgrade which seems to have failed. It occurs to me that this must be a situation which is less rare than I might have expected, and suggests that anyone who gets a modern car serviced should be left with a printed notice which says, "Servicing your vehicle required some changes to, or resetting of, driver aids which you may have come to rely on; recommend you check you can still drive the thing before you set off. Have a nice day." 

Describe the accident in your own words.

Never saw a bloody thing. 

Away Day: The Unpleasantness at Altenrode

On Wednesday of last week I travelled up north to the Stryker estates, beyond the Ancient Kingdom, to take part in one of Ian's splendid Napoleonic games. These days are always spectacular - a wonderful treat to see the current state of the armies - and a lot of work has gone into extending the Allied contingent since I was last there, so lots of new troops to enjoy.

Ian had set up a fictitious battle from the Befreiungskrieg period; you will find his official blog post - with details of the back-story and the armies, and far, far better photos then mine here. My partner for the day was the Archduke, who had travelled much further than I, and he (appropriately) commanded the Austrians on our right flank. I was Barclay de Tolly, no less, with a fine force of Roossians and Proossians - mostly new to me, and all very exciting. Stryker commanded the French army, which is as it should be. Because I am late to publish and heavily outgunned on the presentation front, I shall aim merely to add a few extra photos to Ian's splendid account.

 

From the Allied side, this is the Austrian flank at the outset. You can see two of the three villages which were our objectives for the day. Lots of guns on hills

 

This is my (Barclay de Tolly's) flank. Our Russian lads like things simple, so the order of the day was "if the river is on your right, you are facing the enemy". Each army had some reserves on the table edge, which could be deployed once the advance started. You can see the left-hand village, on this side of the windmill

 

Predictably, my cavalry advanced on the left. It is astonishing how those brave written-out orders look less reassuring when you start actually moving the troops. Here you can see some notable units; the Silesian Landwehr were present (what could possibly go wrong?) and two fine battalions of Russians in greatcoats - love them - proper soldiers. On the right here you can see some British artillery chaps, who had obviously come to repair the street lamps 

 

Barclay's cavalry got off to a faltering start, so I sent the Astrakhan heavies from the reserve to give them a bit extra clout

 

 

The Austrians went in vigorously, aiming to take possession of Altenrode itself

 

This is my big push to stop the French getting troops over the bridge. This advance is headed up by some Russian Jaegers, who didn't have a great day. At this point the French still hold the village to my front

 

My push made little headway, but the troops with blue counters here (which means they have lost their colonels already) set about trying to take the village

 

Over on my right, the Archduke is doing well at Altenrode. At this stage, I expected that we would hold this village, but I was less confident about the other two. In fact we took the other two, but not this one, which gives a good idea of how much I know about such things

 

The Russians have taken the left village, my cavalry are doing better than I expected, and the Prussian Guard have arrived, though they are not sure what they should do next

 

At one point I seem to have been getting a little despondent about my pathetic dice rolls - I took a picture of this example, which was about my worst of the day

 

To my surprise, the cavalry fight went better than expected - the Russian heavies did a good job here

 

Austrians in charge in the centre...

 

...and the French are a bit short of numbers on my side of the river - they did send a couple of battalions across to strengthen the centre early on

 

We got to complete Turn 8 - the official knocking-off time. The French threw in a lot of very prestigious cavalry at the end, but they were probably too late to make a big difference. The day was notable for the damage caused by artillery. Ian's account explains that the Allies won on Victory Points, which is gratifying but didn't seem obvious before the totting-up was complete

What a smashing day! Great food and excellent company, and it was also very good to see the Archduke so much recovered from his recent illness. I can only offer my thanks and appreciation to my hosts and companions - a fine game and a most enjoyable trip.  

Thank you.