The title, of course, is a joke. This is just going to be the usual self-indulgent stuff about me, me, me, but let's sustain the pretence for a minute, and start with the motorbikes.
Most of you will recognise this as the iconic Zündapp KS750 sidecar unit, of which the Wehrmacht bought some 18,000 during WW2. Zündapp were the most successful German maker of motorcycles; it is less well known that they were also the sponsors of the experimental Porsche 12 of 1931, which was one of the forerunners of Hitler's People's Car. The Zündapp effort was very advanced, having a flat-5 watercooled engine, and it may have been dropped on the grounds of cost. Here's a postwar reconstruction of the Porsche 12, which never made it into production; I understand that there were 3 running prototypes, of which the last was destroyed in a bombing raid on Stuttgart in 1945.
After the war, Zündapp moved their operation to Munich, and production was restricted to small, 2-stroke engined motorcycles. They produced a range of what became known as "mo-peds", and also introduced the excellent Bella scooter, which in the 1960s should by rights have been a very serious challenger to the Vespa and the Lambretta - maybe it was too ugly?
Changes in regulations and international trading agreements meant that Germany's protected motor cycle industry was suddenly thrown open to competition from Japan, and Zündapp eventually went bankrupt.
Right, back to my own history.
My family moved to a more suburban district of Liverpool when I was 10, and my dad got a better job, at English Electric, in Aintree. This was too far to cycle, and he detested public transport, which he always considered to be primarily an uncomfortable way to spread infection. So he bought himself a 50cc moped - a Zündapp, in fact - for his commute. This would do something amazing like 150mpg on 2-stroke fuel. The build quality was exceptional, and the device was very strong (and heavy, of course). Officially it would do 35mph, but my dad fitted his with steel leg guards, and with a mighty perspex windscreen, which had a clear apron hanging down to the leg guards, so it had the aerodynamic properties of a garden shed. He also fitted it with an improvised pillion seat. With me on the back, 25mph was about the limit, and up anything like a significant slope I would often have to get off and jog up the hill behind him. It was not a huge amount of fun, as I recall.
Since I have given the general impression that this was no kind of sophisticated or comfortable means of transport, it makes obvious sense that the first serious run my dad took me on with his noisy, stinking, wheezing moped should be a 3-day jaunt to the Lake District "and beyond" (which I think meant "whatever we can manage"). I spent a lot of this trip jogging up steep hills, as you might imagine, thinking silent, dark thoughts. We went on the old A6 road over Shap Fell; we got as far as the Scottish border (just about); neither of us had been to Scotland before, so never mind the physical torture and the driving rain. Then we came back via the Pennines (he wanted to take a photo of the waterfall, High Force, near Middleton in Teesdale, with his ridiculous little Ensign box camera), cut back into the Lakes for our second night, and dawdled our way home the following day. How we survived, and why no-one ever murdered him, remain topics of wonder to this day.
During that trip, apart from my first sight of Scotland, I recall that we also spent a night's bed and breakfast upstairs in a pub in Stainton, Penrith - I had never been in a pub before!
This all comes to mind now because I recently rescued some of my mother's old family photo albums from her care home, and I now have some evidence. Here am I, with the moped, on the shore at Coniston Water, in the Lake District, on that very trip. Note short trousers, school socks and non-aerodynamic hairstyle.
And here, just to prove we got there, is the ritual photo of Gretna Green. I think that the wretch in the plastic mac in the middle is me.
A year or so later the Zündapp was replaced by a Lambretta scooter (by this time we are getting into the age of crash helmets), but serious upgrades to the transport situation waited until I had gone away to university, after which my mum and dad owned motor cars, and started going on nice continental holidays. [I've always wondered about that...].
It was interesting for me (if not for you) to find these old snapshots, which I haven't seen for 60 years at least. I should keep them handy, in case I am ever guilty of thinking that life gets a little tough some days.
Tonight I propose to work on touching up my growing collection of gabions. I may also paint some chevaux de frises. I have some excellent CDs of the Danish String Quartet playing folk music to keep me entertained, of which I may say more on another occasion.
***** Late Edit *****
I mentioned the Danish String Quartet briefly above - here's one of my favourite tracks from the painting session - the DSQ reinforced with a couple of friends:
*********************
That bike is a monster! What fantastic memories in an old box of photos!
ReplyDeleteHi Matt - the model is a Combinette 422, made in 1956 - here is a short video of a man (in Netherlands?) riding a restored one - enjoyed the video, but that exhaust note makes my bum feel sore - memory plays strange tricks...
Deletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaCa3CNuHsE&
That is a great video!
DeleteThat Zundapp scooter has an ugly charm about it. The high front mudguard probably means it lacks the charm of the Italian jobs. That and there being no "Berlin Holiday' with Audrey H.
ReplyDeleteTalking of Berlin, that Dutch chap has something of the air of a Stasi agent about him in that leather jacket.
I tnink one the Bella's positive features was the bigger wheels, which made it safer and less unstable - the Vespa's "wet leaf whip" was notorious. It was a bit toucan-like, maybe.
DeleteIf the guy in the leather coat defected from the East on a Combinette, he must have had plenty of time.
You always present the most eclectic and interesting stories from your past. Good stuff!
ReplyDeleteThank you Jon. The only thing about my life which is unusual seems to be its length. Fortunately, I find the things which amuse me easier to remember in detail - just lucky, I guess.
DeleteCracking memories, fair made me smile this morning, nice to get the old photos back.
ReplyDeleteI have a lot more work to do sifting through my mum's photo albums and boxes. Some jaw-droppers in there - but also stuff like a set of 47 photos from "Vera and Daniel's Wedding" - Daniel seems to have been the son of one of my mother's teaching colleagues at Woolton St Mary's, and his wedding was in Melbourne in 1980. I never heard of him, and my mum now would not remember working (or anything else), and cannot see photos (or anything else), so items like that, with best wishes to all involved, can safely be confined to "the circular file". Some gems, though.
DeleteGood grief, your hair is still the same! Great photos, I have a similar one somewhere of Gretna as a kid…
ReplyDeleteAh yes - my hair - I wonder where it went to? These holiday photos are a very strange tradition - the forced smiles were to support the lie that we were having a great time!
DeleteI'm puzzled that the low windscreen was actually worth adding to the bike. It certainly sounds an exciting trip. Funnily enough my parents starting going on European holidays once I'd left home. I too, wondered about that at the time.
ReplyDeleteNo no - the "low screen" is actually the flexible clear plastic apron which is fastened to the bottom edge of a rigid perspex screen, which doesn't show up too well in the photo, but you can see the vertical metal pillars it was bolted to. The top of the screen must be about 3 inches taller than me in the picture.
DeleteIt was all so that he could ride to work in his suit (with waterproofs over the top, natch). Pushing that whole edifice through the Liverpool smog must have slowed him down and used a lot of fuel. Reminds me - mixing the 2-stroke petrol-oil mix was a work of fantastic precision - no-one could speak while it was going on. My dad may have had the only bike outside the professional racetrack for which the fuel was prepared to engineering standards.
I’m a long time Vespa and Lambretta rider as you know but those German scooters and were far and a way the better engineered of the bunch. They’ve gained a massive following in the scooter crowd these days for precisely that reason. You’d need a lot of money in your piggy bank to buy one nowadays. Probably a little less cache’ than the Italian stuff of the time but far more sensible. My last Vespa was a 150 Sportique with 8 inch wheels. It was bloody lethal in the wet. Those big tyres on your dad’s Zundapp were far more sensible. Nice old photo of you by the way…you haven’t changed a bit.
ReplyDeleteMy dad began to obsess about owning a scooter, while he still had the moped - he probably fantasised about being able to overtake cyclists. He fancied the Zündapp Bella, but the one he really lusted over was the Puch, which was similar but marginally uglier. I was looking for pictures of Puchs just now, and I read that Puch were also badly hit by competition from Japan and Italy, but they sold their business to Piaggio! [If you can't beat them, surrender - or something like that]
DeleteThose were the days - long journeys using unsuitable vehicles. My parents upgraded from their initial tandem bicycle to an Italian scooter of some sort, on which they went from London to Cornwall a few times - which must have taken a very long time! On the arrival of children, a further upgrade was required - to a BMW Isetta 'bubble car'..
ReplyDeleteWe have a couple of CDs (including a folk songs one) by the Danish String Quartet - they are a class act.
I'm sure it was all very character-building, but in modern times I think the local social work department would have been quite interested in my dad.
DeleteGreat story about your parents - excellent! Do you have personal memory of the Isetta? Something I've always wondered about the door at the front - I read somewhere that the design was intended to be parked nose-on to the kerb, since if another vehicle parked immediately in front you had to get in through the sun-roof - any views on that?
The Cornwall trips sound impressive - I like that - my own parents travelled on a Lambretta 125 from Liverpool to Paris and back around 1960 - I now have photos and everything! They, of course, were actually mad, but it is interesting that my mother never went near the scooter ever again.
No personal recollection of the 'Bubble Car' as it was traded-in ( for a Hillman Minx ) when I was about 18 months old - I gather it broke down and was surreptitiously pushed onto the garage forecourt for the part-exchange! But it was the car I was brought home from hospital in, a few days after being born, so I can always say my first car was a BMW..
DeleteYou could drive them on a motorbike license in UK, and to allow that, the reverse gear was disabled - but apparently everyone quietly removed the relevant blanking plate in the gear-change..
In the harsh winter of 1962, I am told Dad was driving through an S-bend on the country lane from their house when the Isetta spun on the ice, went through 360 degrees and came out of the bend going forwards as normal..
I like public transport and used it a lot when I used to be an urban dweller some quarter century ago, but got a real hoot from "an uncomfortable way to spread infection...". Recollections of a father's strongly professed statements are great fun aren't they? You may even utter a few of your own nowadays?
ReplyDeleteRegards, James
My dad was deeply suspicious of people breathing near him - legend tells us that he almost died of diptheria as a kid, which seems to have done little for the stability of his views on society.
DeleteI'm confident that I spouted a lot of cartoon nonsense throughout my adult life! I've tried to avoid things which were preached to me when I was too young to protest, but I'm sure I have - like everyone else, I knew I was right, though!
Someone once played me a bootleg recording of one of my colleagues at work giving a (very good) parody of one of my own departmental pep talks - ouch!
Many more stories like that and your blog will get listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site. That was a great read from a time when H&S was not even a gleam in someone's eye - your dad would be arrested on so many counts if he did something like that now. I guess the charm of olden day antics would seem very different if you'd actually had an accident.
ReplyDeleteHi Rob - I guess it was a bit harrowing at the time, but life was just sort of like that - edgy; in discussion with a friend recently, it suddenly occurred to me that I don't think I ever actually relaxed until I was about 30! Even if we had just broken down on that trip, we'd have been in a bad state. Helmets were not needed for 50cc in those days, and I'm sure we had a Raleigh puncture repair kit (!), and it was August, but we had no proper clothing really. The plastic Pac-a-mac seems to have been my only waterproof. When we first set off, we only knew we were heading towards the Lake District. Hey!
DeleteI recall that after escapades like this, my parents often used to have some very long conversations, with raised voices - I never heard what they were saying, of course. Anyway, I live to tell the tale! Hope things good with you.
This will probably get me cancelled in Denmark, but that music from the DSQ sounds very similar to Swedish folk music. Especially the style of 'fiddling'. Often the Swedes use a fantastic looking (and sounding) instrument called the nyckelharpa.
ReplyDeleteHi Chris - the albums I have do not concentrate on Danish music particularly - they have tunes from all round the North Sea and the Nordic lands. The particular track I posted is an original tune written by the cittern player, I think.
Delete