More Hills and Even Further Away

 Travelling again - my life seems to have taken on an unfamiliar level of sophistication, not to mention luxury. I have just returned from the home of the Archduke, in the mountains of Northern England - a wild region which was once known as Scottish Cumberland, I understand. There we were joined by more travellers - Stryker and Goya - for a very fine day of Old School Napoleonic gaming, and of gazing in awe at the resident soldier collection.

Our game scenario was from 1809, the setting being what is now known as the Battle of Aspern-Essling, taken as a single action, and fought on the open ground between the two villages. I shall not attempt a detailed account of the action, but will include a series of my own photos, to give a taste of what the day looked like. I was Hiller, commanding the Austrian right flank, fighting alongside Stryker. [You will find rather better pictures and a more coherent narrative on Stryker's blog here.]  

 

General view at commencement; Austrians on the left. Both sides are expecting reinforcements, but the French reserves may only arrive if they can still get across the Danube. The Danube, you understand, is just off the table-edge on your right, and there is a wooden bridge on the edge of the table to represent this crossing 

 

This is my command, the Austrian right flank. You can see me (Hiller) bravely leading the infantry forward

 

 A look over towards the Austrian left. The cavalry unit nearest the camera is the best the army has to offer - because of problems with Austrian command, all the rest of the cavalry were rated as "militia". The unit pictured here looks very impressive, and it took me 5 or 6 turns to remember that these were mere chevauxlegers (O'Reilly), however smartly turned out

 

Here I am, with me boys, steadfastly remembering not to fight uphill

 

Our plan was to get cracking, just detaching small forces to watch the edges of the villages and sweeping everyone else forward and toward the bridge in the centre. The idea was that this would restrict the space in which the French could deploy their reserves, and in any case capture of the bridge was a potential game-winner. Here you see my advance getting a little bogged down, as my own regiment of infantry takes a battering from the French artillery

 

View from the French side. The battery in the lower left corner caused me a lot of discomfort throughout the day. I should mention that for years it has puzzled me that one's own army in a wargame always looks more intimidating from the front...

 

After a while, the Austrians are definitely cramping the space available for the French reinforcements. You may notice a number of guns facing the wrong way - this is obviously because they are now limbered up, trying to advance with the army. We were reminded that if you rush forward over flat terrain there is a tendency to mask your own artillery

 

The French are bringing more troops over - things getting more crowded all the time

 

At the very end of the day, I made a token attack on the brickyard of the village at my end of the table, and was reminded that stone walls are tough going. At this stage we ran out of time, and had to end our game to address the requirements of transport and dinner 

At the point at which we broke off, there was still some fighting to be done, and the Archduke continued later, solo, for about 4 hours; once again history required the Battle of Aspern-Essling to extend into a second day. He subsequently sent a photo of the Austrians in command of the crossing of the Danube, so Stryker and I had won, if only in absentia. It could be argued that we are usually at our best in absentia, anyway, but that's a discussion for another time.

My thanks go to my colleagues for their company and enthusiasm, and most especially to our hosts (Mr and Mrs Archduke) for their kind hospitality and a great deal of work - a splendid trip in every way, and very much appreciated.  

Over the Hills and Far Away

 Excellent day out yesterday; I drove up north to Stryker's estates, for one of his fabulous Napoleonic extravaganzas. Waterloo re-revisited, and very good too. I know Ian will make a wonderful job of putting together an appropriate report, so this is the most humble of glimpses of what went on - no thunder will be stolen. Here are a few of my own photos of the battle, just to give a taster.

It's been 12 weeks since my last involvement in any wargaming at all, and yesterday was really most enjoyable; Stryker's magnificent collection of Hinton Hunt figures, proper Old School rules and organisation and game management, faultless hospitality and a sunny day spent in the company of friends. Good chat, no issues with attitudes or alternative agendas. Restorative.

My thanks to Baron and Baroness Stryker for all their hard work and kindness, and to everyone involved. 

Hooptedoodle #488 - Berries on the Whitebeam - Autumn May Be a Little Early This Year

 A bit earlier than usual, the Whitebeam trees at the bottom of our garden are coming into berry, which is always a cheering sight. This year, understandably, they look a bit parched to me. Usually these things are at their peak in mid September, when sometimes we get raided by flocks of Redwings, who just hoover the berries and move on; this is mysterious when it happens - we never see Redwings at any other time, in fact we hardly see them when they come, since they huddle into the trees and get busy, very early in the morning. If we are up early enough we will certainly hear them, but they are hard to spot; you just have a vague feeling that you have been robbed.

 

Whitebeam gets its name, I am told, from the fact that the leaves are very pale on the underside, so the tree seems to shimmer in a breeze. Weißbaum

 

Elsewhere the new hedge plants at the front are starting to look worryingly autumnal. I have put in many hours in the early mornings, trying to keep them watered (no hosepipe bans here), but they do not look happy at all. Perhaps they will be all right.

Tomorrow will be a very heavy day putting fresh gravel down on the driveway. It was delivered last Wednesday, and once again I am astounded by the skill of the driver, manoeuvring an 8-wheeler in through our gate, which is tricky enough in a car. I am pleased to note that the spray that I put down on the gravel area about 5 weeks ago has removed all the weeds in preparation for the big day. It takes a while (much longer than the old stuff, now illegal), but quietly we get there in the end.

 

Border Aggregates of Kelso - good lads. I had ideas about doing the job in instalments this year, but it's £50 delivery whether you get one bag or a load, so here it is!

 

 

 

***** Late Edit *****

 

 

And here we are, one day later - job done!

 

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Hooptedoodle #487 - A Taste for Alternative History

 This last week I took the opportunity to read the starter volume for the Very British Civil War. It has taken me a very long time to get round to this, and my interest is not because I have any particular wish to play the game; I just have a great fondness for what-ifs, how history might have been if the wind had blown the other way. What prompted my renewed interest was some other reading about the 1930s in Europe and (all right, I'll admit it) my watching, also after a very long delay, the movie The King's Speech.

 

The VBCW booklet is absorbing - a thorough, thought-provoking job - I do like my fantasy with detailed embroidery.

Right on cue, in the last few days, one Mr Huckabee, a man described without apparent irony as a diplomat, former Fox News host and current US ambassador to Israel, voiced his opinion that if Sir Keir Starmer had been the British leader during WW2, the United Kingdom would be German-speaking now. 

Maybe that's true, I have no idea; interesting. More alternative history. If we're playing this game, it also seems to me that if the present US Administration had been in charge in Washington in 1939, they would have been solidly aligned with the Axis, so WW2, if it had happened, would have been a walkover. Which means that Huckabee's current gig in Israel wouldn't have existed either; interesting.

 

Major rally of the German American Bund in Madison Square in Feb 1939 - maybe they didn't get a fair chance?

Möge sein Arsch eitern, as Anton Drexler used to say. 

Hooptedoodle #486 - Village Idiot? Land grab?

 One of our neighbours, on the far side of the farm hamlet (maybe 200 metres away) keeps chickens. We don't see much of them, unless we go for a walk down there, but we can hear the rooster crowing in the morning, which is very pleasant and just as it should be. Nature's alarm clock.

For the last couple of weeks we have a rooster in our garden too. He spends most of the day here. There's not much to eat, though there have been a lot of windfall plums this summer, and he has no friends here. He does no damage, as far as I can see; he likes to sit inside our front hedge - I imagine the shade has been welcome in the hot weather; he stalks about the place looking vaguely belligerent, and he seems to drift away home in the evenings. It is noticeable that he gets here early enough to welcome the dawn each day, which certainly wakes you up if you are not used to it.

I also noticed that I can still hear a rooster crowing on the other side of the village when our new friend is here, so there must be two roosters. Hmmm.

 I thought that roosters couldn't share a yard. A little inherited country lore and a lot of cartoon films have reinforced this belief over the years. Maybe that's what's happening? - perhaps he has been bested, humbled, chucked out (see what I did there?). Maybe he is sulking up here, or feels he has taken possession of a new yard (without wives). Perhaps, like me, he is here because he is a hermit. Maybe he is just happy here. 

 Any suggestions on the psychology of poultry would be welcome. He isn't a problem at the moment (though sometimes he does get sworn at in the mornings), and I am sort of assuming he will go away later in the year, but I have no valid reason to think this. He is quite a big, impressive looking chap, to my unpractised eye anyway. I would rather have him as a friend than otherwise.

There is drinking water for him; I'm reluctant to start putting food out for him, in case all his relations arrive. Should we be doing anything for him? 

Hooptedoodle #485 - a Rare Touch of Class - Cleo Laine

 A respectful note from me for the passing of Dame Cleo, who has died at the age of 97. Here's a little dalliance with Shakespeare; my favourite track from what was one of my very favourite albums when I was a student (and subsequently, in fact).

 

Hooptedoodle #484 - Unwanted Immigrant

 

I am depressed to be reminded that Jeffrey's ugly friend will be arriving on Friday for a 5-day visit to Scotland. 

Why is he coming? We certainly don't want him here, and - given his record - I'm surprised they would let him in.

It seems he will visit his own golf courses at Turnberry and Aberdeen. No doubt he will break the course record at each, and there may be some carefully vetted press sessions, so that he may rant incontinently about irrelevancies. I certainly expect that any incidental exposure he has to the actual Scottish public will leave him in no doubt how much he is loved and respected here.

 

The clubhouse at Trump Turnberry was not looking its best in April this year, after it was subjected to an attack of what is officially termed "malicious mischief". It has been cleaned up now, and there are also some very expensive enhancements to the course. No doubt our VIP visitor will be reopening it. I hope it pisses with rain.

Our Prime Minister is to travel up here for a meeting of some sort in Aberdeen. Whatever. Why a meeting in Aberdeen? Maybe it will be easier to avoid someone punching the Orange Nose this far from London? Starmer's attendance has something to do with refinements to an earth-shaking non-event masquerading as a trade deal. Why Sir Keir would waste his time having a discussion with a lunatic who changes his mind every day, and who hasn't the merest grasp of the basics of trade, diplomacy or integrity, escapes me. 

[Digression: In an idle moment, I was wondering whether anyone knows whether Washington or Lincoln used to spend all their time making stuff up and spouting about how great they were? Maybe they had other things to do - history doesn't seem to mention it, anyway. I think I am sufficiently interested in this idea to see if AI could manage a suitably edited re-write of the Gettysburg Address.]

Mostly I'm avoiding news topics like this at present, and I must say my health appears to be showing some benefit as a result. However, I also have to say that I am very uncomfortable about the forthcoming state visit (no capitalisation) when the Unmentionable One is to visit our King at Windsor Castle. It is probably polite to extend the hand of hospitality to heads of state, but this visit is going to be met with considerable public hostility, which potentially places His Majesty (that's His REAL Majesty) in a difficult position politically. Maybe, to ensure there is no trouble at dinner, a company of Beefeaters could attend, in full dress?  It goes without saying, the beefeater joke would be further enhanced by the serving of a vegan dinner.

Also, King Charles might take the opportunity to ask his guest where he was educated, since his spoken English is clearly not anyone's first language. 

Hooptedoodle #483 - A Little Help Goes a Long Way [Artificial WHAT?]

 Two days ago, I am awake at 05:00. It looks a bit gloomy outside, so I am pondering whether I will need to do my early morning pyjama run, watering the shrubs, and whether I will get a chance to do a little more weedkiller spraying of the gravel driveway today.

I decide to get advice from the electronic friend and helper on my phone, who is always faithfully awaiting a chance to serve.

05:06 - "Siri, what is the forecast today?"

Siri - "Today it will be mostly clear; daytime temperatures will rise to 18degC, with overnight lows of 13degC"

Fair enough - maybe I should keep an extra sweater handy, but that sounds OK. My alarm is set for 06:30, so I can enjoy a preparatory snooze until then. Better just check...

05:10 - "Siri, will it rain today?"

Siri - "There is very little chance of rain"

Righto - that will do nicely.

My snooze is suddenly disturbed by heavy rain hammering on the Velux window above my head. What the...? What is the story now?

06:15 - "Siri, will it rain today?" 

Siri - "There is very little chance of rain"

Maybe an alternative approach is required...

06:16 - "Siri, at what time will it rain?"

Siri - "It's raining now"

 

It's OK - this is a library photo of someone else's garden, for dramatic effect

We have to be grateful, I know, but I may go back to keeping a piece of seaweed in a jam jar on the window-sill. 

A Little Testing in the Shade

 Since I have a few quiet days, and it really is getting pretty warm out in the garden, I am having a few sessions on the Dining Room table, rolling dice and seeing how some rules scribblings shape up. This week's mission is to add a set of tweaks to my WSS rules to make them work for the ECW. Things are going all right at the moment.

I was out this morning at 06:30, to water our new plants. There is no immediate likelihood of a hosepipe ban here - this county has more than enough water, but I like to get it done early just to be on the safe side, in case the environmental vigilantes are on the prowl. The timing also allows me to go outside in pyjamas and dressing gown (and straw hat, and gardening boots) - one does not have to look one's best. At that time of the morning, I can also enjoy the singing of the blackbird and the song thrush in residence, since they sit on top of the tallest tree on the other side of the lane and attempt to shout each other down. Excellent.

 

The inside of our front hedge has a line of extra bushes embedded in it, which give a lot of additional colour at different times of the year; I should have taken a decent close-up, but you can just about make out that the Fuschia is in full flower at the moment

 

This one is an immigrant - this is my neighbour's sweet pea, which is growing through the fence, so we can enjoy it too

 

One of our recent arrivals is a Prunus named Bonaparte. No new growth at the moment (it shows up bright red), but young Boney is doing a brave job standing to attention in the hot, humid conditions. All the new shrubs have now had their leader shoots pruned, to encourage them to bush out. Bushing out is good

***** Late Edit *****

Completely separate topic - I've been looking at some specifications for a possible new car, and am keen to make sure that the luggage carrying capacity is better than my current vehicle. I'll certainly find some more details online, so am not unduly concerned, but I am astounded that the manufacturer specifies the capacity of the boot (trunk) in litres. Interesting.

Two obvious questions present themselves:

(1) What possible use is this? Unless I convert my luggage into a liquid, and pump it aboard, I can't see that such a figure helps very much.

(2) What on earth do they think their customers intend to carry?

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Hooptedoodle #482 - Get the Word to Neil - I nearly made it into the 21st Century

 I was having a read of my football team's website, and there was an offer of a free download of the season's fixtures into my calendar. Sounds OK, so I made sure I was signed in, clicked a few things and set about setting this up. 

Very quickly, it became apparent that this isn't going to happen unless I sign up to something called ECAL, which appears primarily to be a marketing tool. I am sure it works very nicely, but I had to agree to ECAL having full access to the information in my diary, for whatever reason they wish, and the ability to add or delete data.

Screech of brakes - no thank you. My diary contains medical stuff and all sorts of personal contact info, and a pretty thorough record of where I've been and what I've done for the last 12 years or so. I'm not daft - I understand that ECAL can obtain all this from my Google account anyway, but I have not given explicit permission for that, so they would be breaking the law. This is different.

I shall enjoy my pathetic little fightback - every single time I have to look up the fixture dates elsewhere; ECAL, whatever they represent, can go and do one, as quickly as they like.

 

Hooptedoodle #481 - The King's Card

 

It will be my mother's 100th birthday on Monday. She doesn't know it will be her birthday, and she will not notice when it happens. The poor old soul is resident in a nursing home in Berwick upon Tweed, where she is wonderfully well looked after and is as comfortable as we can possibly make her, but she cannot walk, or see, or make sense of any sounds. She sleeps most of the time - they get her into some sort of semi-conscious state to feed her, but she doesn't communicate and as far as I am aware she has no idea where she is or what is going on.

I visit once a week, though she is not aware of my visits, and in fact she hasn't known me for about 5 years now. That's OK - it's a routine - I visit this very old lady, who doesn't remember me and appears to have nothing to do with any mother I ever had. Mostly, I think, I do it for my own peace of mind. I sit with her for an hour or so each week - I haven't seen her awake in about 6 months. I make sure her radio is quietly tuned to her favourite classical station (just in case she can hear it) and before I leave I chat with the staff about how she has been.  

A 100th birthday is a serious business in the UK. You get a greeting card from the Monarch. One advance in recent years has been that, if you are in receipt of the State Pension, this all goes ahead automatically. So I have been waiting to see how it all works.

About a month ago I received an undated letter from the DWP, the main message of which was:

We have attempted to contact you to organise congratulatory messages for their 100th birthday.

As their representative, you can arrange for cards to be issued from the King via the Centenarian Team.

All we need is for you to confirm that the personal information we hold on the Department for Work and Pensions' records is correct.

What to do next

If you would like the team to organise the messages on your behalf, or you would like more information, please get in touch with us. Our contact details are at the top of this letter.

Yours sincerely

 

W R Swanson
Office manager

Righto - here we go - the system has everything under control. Only slight concerns were:

(1) There was no mention of what personal information they wish to have confirmed, though they gave my mother's name and National Insurance number, and they obviously have some idea that she is going to be 100.

(2) The National Insurance number was incorrect. [Goodness me - don't tell me that all this digital magnificence is manned by idiots, after all? Surely no-one expected that?]

 I leaped into action - I spent a singularly unproductive 45 minutes waiting for someone to answer the supplied phone number (which is in Newcastle), and then typed up an old-fashioned letter and sent it to the supplied postal address (which is in Wolverhampton), confirming that, yes, I did want the Centenarian Team to send out a card, thank you very much, and pointing out the error in the NI number.

Two weeks later I received another letter from the DWP, which turned out to be an exact repeat of the original undated letter, complete with incorrect NI number. With some vague idea that I was already in the system, I refused to worry about this, and waited for a meaningful reply, aware that the time left for arranging a greetings card was disappearing fast.

I received what was clearly a reply to my letter - this dated 3rd June, though I received it on the 9th. All it contained was some generalised acknowledgement of my notifying them of a "change of circumstances" - there was no mention of greetings cards, and the Newcastle phone number no longer appeared. I am left to assume that the DWP's computer is very busy. 

In two days I shall travel down to Berwick for the "big" day. I expect that no card will be sent to me before then; it is possible that there may be one sent direct to the nursing home (the DWP have that address), but I doubt it. Since my mum will not know that it is her birthday, and since no-one would in any case be able to explain to her that she had received a card, or what a card was, I have to accept that it really doesn't matter. I may be pilloried by the nursing home staff for failing to arrange the King's card, but that is the least of my worries. 

 

I understand that this is what the card looks like, if you get one. I have to say that I am very impressed with the idea of sending a picture of oneself as a birthday greeting, and am thinking seriously of getting a supply of suitable cards printed up. No expense spared for my friends, I assure you - I know how much they'll appreciate it

 

***** Late Edit *****

 

Well, the card did turn up on time, so all due credit and respect to those involved. The system works, even if it does not feel very robust during the process. I knew the King wouldn't let my mum down...

 

 

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