Hooptedoodle #191 - Ephraim's Photograph

This is a true story told to me by my friend Brandon, who lives in California. The story is set in the late 1990s, when Brandon used to work for a world-famous computer firm, at their very large research facility in Roseville.

These hotshot computing firms at that time were strange compromises – most of the propeller-heads who built them up were ageing hippies, but, as the organisations grew at an almost uncontrollable rate, the pressing need for professionalism and state-of-the-art commercial practice meant that a whole pile of untried management stuff was delivered in huge instalments, complete with fresh staff to implement it. Brandon was an engineer, and felt especially bewildered when the world of perfect Human Resource Management suddenly arrived to take control of his working life.

One unpopular innovation in his building was hot-desking – now there’s an iconic 1990s term; all staff had to be mobile – each employee had only a computer, a security badge and a wheeled pedestal with their belongings in it. Everyone – right up to the highest levels in the firm – was required to be able to start work at any location in the building, with whatever transient group of colleagues was required, with a maximum of 15 minutes notice.

Appropriate measures for phones and computer network access were challenging but could be managed, but some other things caused problems – the old human nature thing kept cropping up, and clashing with the new rules. For example, the workstations next to the windows on the top floor were much in demand, because they commanded rather splendid views (or, at least, because it was possible to see the world outside, which is almost the same thing in a work context) – this meant that staff would compete to grab these locations, and would be reluctant to move away from them. This was observed to interfere with the optimal working of hot-desking, so a new building layout was created, such that the spaces next to the windows were now walkways, and no-one had a window seat any more. That fixed it – everyone was now worse off.

Brandon had a colleague named Ephraim, who was even more nerdy and disorganised than Brandon was himself, and he took great exception to these new restrictions on his personal freedom (as he saw them). Things took a turn for the worse when the Corporation issued new rules to limit the “personalising” clutter which staff amassed on their desks – this was a further impediment to hot-desking, since a computer, a wheeled pedestal and an indefinite number of large cartons full of personal junk for each staff member was not what was envisaged in the new scheme of things. Thus there was a major cutting-back on what would be permitted on desks – this actually got as far as some formal definitions. Ephraim – and a few like him – complained bitterly about this, and diverted some of their effort and personal focus into the challenge of retaining as much junk as they could get away with – more, if possible.

At this point, Brandon and a couple of chums realised there was potential for some fun at Ephraim’s expense, and so Ephraim continued to receive a flow of further rulings from the hated HR, though by this stage HR knew nothing about them, since the stuff was being generated on their behalf by Ephraim’s colleagues, specially for Ephraim.

The next (fake) regulation restricted each member of staff to a single, framed photo of their own family. Ephraim complied, but bitterly and lamentingly. Then the photo was to conform to new maximum dimensions, and only children, partners and up to two family pets were allowed – no grandparents, and no golfing photos or similar. Ephraim was furious, but he became incandescent when HR expressed their unhappiness at the unruly collection of frames which were on display, and actually issued a standard frame, to ensure a more uniform, corporate look.

Brandon briefly considered that his alternative HR operation might ban family photos altogether, but instead he issued a new letter, saying that it had been noticed that some staff members’ families really didn’t match up to the Corporation’s required appearance standards, and that in future a photograph of an idealised corporate family might be substituted in extreme cases.

At this point even Ephraim realised it was a prank, and he sulked like a good chap until it was time to go for a beer, when all was forgiven. Three months of fake HR letters had reaped a handsome reward, but Brandon says that after the chuckles had died away they just had to get on with their wretched hot-desking world, and make the best of it. He lasted another year, and then he set up in business on his own – but that is another story.

So this is just a silly story about a workplace prank, in another century, on another continent. The shine is taken off the joke for me, a bit, by my own experience of HR people who learned about the human race entirely through books. That was one of the trends that eventually took most of the pleasure out of working – certainly out of managing other people – and that persuaded me to retire as early as I could afford. 

Are these beggars still out there?

Death by PowerPoint

Journey to the "Missouri"

I am currently reading Toshikazu Kase’s Journey to the Missouri, which I bought in Kindle version for next to nothing. I’m not going to offer any kind of formal review (I’d be too embarrassed, for one thing), but I have found the book absorbing and educational, and I would recommend it as a beginner’s overview of Japan before and during WW2. I am certainly a complete beginner in this subject.

Kase is in the top hat, right of centre, listening to McArthur's speech

Mr Kase is most celebrated as a member of the deputation which signed the Japanese surrender in 1945, on board the USS Missouri, but he was also a prominent member of the Japanese Foreign Ministry during the 1930s and 1940s, was Japan’s observer at the United Nations after WW2 until such time as they were awarded full membership, and was a delegate thereafter. He was also posted in the London embassy at the time of the Pearl Harbour attack, much to his personal discomfort, since the embassy staff had no prior warning of the attack.

So he was a very high-profile diplomat, and was unusual in a number of respects, since he was educated in the USA (Amherst College and Harvard) and was well accustomed to Western culture and protocols. His (American) editor makes the point that it is a remarkable achievement that Mr Kase wrote his book in English, without a translator – the editor pauses to wonder how many Western diplomats could write such a work in a language which was not their own (which begs the further question of how many could write so well even in their own language…).

I have the Kindle version, but the book was reprinted many times

Kase describes the desperate instability of the political situation in Japan in the 1930s, and the progressive domination of the country by the military, who – under the pretext of obedience to the Emperor – exerted complete control over education, indoctrination of the population, government, religion and foreign policy. This is an astonishing story, and it includes the headlong rush into war and the continuing obsession with fighting on – to the last man if necessary – in a war effort which was clearly doomed from late 1943 onwards.

To an extent, Mr Kase can be expected to attempt to save his nation’s face a little, and to cover himself and the liberal majority who took over after 1945 – there are a good number of points where I found myself thinking, well he would say that, wouldn’t he? He is supremely supportive – to the point of adulation – of post-war Britain and the USA, and generally hostile to Russia and China throughout. His description of Japan’s shameful annexation and exploitation of Manchuria does not accord well with my understanding of what went on there, but provides an interesting alternative view.

He insists that there was a strong anti-war lobby in Japan for a long time before the atomic bomb, though such a stance was likely to lead to disappearance or assassination of the individual. His English is perfect, though a bit rich on occasion – he expresses himself well, but often in emotive terms, and his use of identifiably Eastern imagery takes a little getting used to; he likens the youthful kamikaze pilots to the petals of cherry blossom, and so on.

Mr Kase died in 2002, at the age 101, I understand – apart from the deck of the Missouri, his other most famous appearance was probably as one of the interviewees in Thames TV’s magnificent The World at War (1974) – I have a box set of the DVDs, and I still cannot believe that anything so good was ever produced – it has its critics, and it is probably overexposed (and underwatched?) on the History Channel and elsewhere, but in my opinion those films will never be equalled as coverage of WW2 – it was sufficiently long after the event for a bit of balance to start to appear, yet it was soon enough for a hefty number of the participants to appear to describe and explain their experiences.

I digress – Mr Kase’s book is recommended – I am getting a lot out of it. I hesitate to mention this, but next up on my Kindle list is Mein Kampf – I’ve had it hanging around for a while, so had better have a go at it – I do not expect that it will influence my personal attitudes, but it’s an obvious gap in my reading list!

    

Hooptedoodle #190 - A Grand Day Out

The new trains have pictures of the countryside painted on them - maybe this
is to render pointless the efforts of graffitti artists

This morning my son and I went on something of an adventure – the first day the new Scottish Borders Railway was open to the public.

Well, “open” is not quite accurate. The service will be open for fare-paying passengers as from tomorrow, and the official opening will be on Wednesday, when HM the Queen is to travel on the line. We were lucky enough to be guests on a special “Golden Ticket” day, which was mostly by invitation (for those and such as those), and included a contingent of guests of the local authorities and the people who had been involved in the construction of the new line.

Early start from our local station, to get to Edinburgh

First surprise of the day was that the train, which at certain times of day
goes on to Glasgow Central, now goes to Ayr, on the West Coast. We have no idea
what day it arrives, but it must be a slow run - good though - must go there one day

Chairman of Edinburgh Council performs the unveiling of a plaque bearing his
name in the same sized font as that of the name of the railway - as usual, he
includes his popular "Le Petomane" impression

There may be festive bunting, but this is grubby old rolling stock - not a problem

The Edinburgh Evening News saw fit to complain that the scenery was not up to
the standards of the West Highland Line - erm - that's probably true
- not many Alpine ranges, either

Somewhere near Stow

The northern suburbs of Galashiels - the A7 winding up into the hills

The new railway is 30 miles in length, which sounds laughable in view of the publicity given to the opening, but it is the longest new stretch of domestic railway line built in the UK for over 100 years. Read that last bit again, if you will, for emphasis. The line has seven stations, and runs between Edinburgh and the village of Tweedbank, which is between Galashiels and Melrose in the Scottish Borders, and in part it follows the old Waverley route which was built in the 19^th Century, and which was closed around 1969 as a result of the infamous Beeching Cuts.

It is a very pleasant, quick run, and it provides an alternative to a fairly slow, arduous drive up the A7, so it really might get a few more cars off the roads, and the commercial, social and tourist benefits of having better access to the Borders are significant. Beeching gets a bad press these days, it’s hard to tell how botched his programme of cuts was – his main offence, if there was one, was that his assessment of the viability of particular lines was cost based; whether or not the various rural areas would thrive without their local railway was a lesser issue. The remit he was given by the government of the day has a lot to answer for; there are suggestions that the calculations were flawed, or that the answers were already in a separate envelope. Certainly poor old Dr Beeching did not have the correct quality of crystal ball available – subsequent improvements in railway technology, the long term effects of increasing oil prices and environmental damage make the idea of cutting back on public transport rather strange now, but we have to remember that the (nationalised) railways of the 1960s were very inefficient, provided what was regarded as a poor service and were paralysed by restrictive practices by the Trades Unions.

It is apparent now that we could have made excellent use of some of Beeching’s closed lines over the decades, but it would be stupid to believe that this new railway is a direct replacement of what the old Waverley Line would have become. Let us just be pleased that, if this initiative works, it may lead to more of the same.

Let it also be admitted that I am old enough – just – to have travelled on the Waverley Line. When I was a student, Sunday rail travel was a lengthy and sometimes surprising business, as repairs to the line caused some re-routing (in fact, I think Sunday tickets were cheaper as a result). The official run for Liverpool to Edinburgh in those days was, as at present, via Preston, Carlisle, Carstairs, but on a Sunday anything was possible – I remember passing through exotic places like Kirkby Stephen, Blackburn and Galashiels. I also once – with my bicycle – caught a train from Kelso to Edinburgh, which joined the Waverley Line near Galashiels. The Scottish Borders area contains many towns which have a Station Road, but in which there are very few people old enough to remember a station.

Today’s train was not one of the new machines supplied – since the special trip was to carry many more passengers than the normal timetabled run, some rather elderly diesels were called into service for the day. They did the job nicely, of course, though it took a little of the shiny newness off the experience. No complaints at all, though – it’s a nice, useful little railway, and it should prove invaluable to people commuting between Galashiels and Edinburgh. I think it’s a positive move, and hope to see more along the same lines (see what I did there?).

Cubes from 'Gladbach

My parcel of 8mm wooden cubes has arrived from www.spielmaterial.de, and they look very good. I'm pleased with the size, the pieces are accurately made and the colours are good. Under artificial light, to be picky about it, the pink and the magenta are a bit close, and two of the finishes are natural wood, glazed or plain, which are hard to tell apart. To maximize the number of useable colours (and 14 is already more than adequate), I'll add a bit of dilute acrylic colour give the pink cubes more of a crimson shade and find something suitable for the raw wooden ones.

These will certainly be more of a success than my previous attempts to colour-code my army structure with miniature beads (disadvantages: kept dropping the things, and they roll forever, and the craft shop people seemed very uneasy about having a male customer) or 16mm tiddlywinks (disadvantages: too big, too clumsy, too ugly and not enough colours) - all I need now is to get one of those nifty little handicraft boxes with compartments for coloured threads or needles, which means I'll have to take my chances in the craft shop again...

Hooptedoodle #189a - Well, actually...

Thanks very much for suggestions - I can see it could be any or all of these things. In fact it is an apple-case - yes, that's right - to carry your apple in, so well done Mr Phyllion [I am horrified to hear that you can also get a banana case - surely bananas come ready-wrapped, and what's wrong with old-fashioned sandwich boxes anyway? Oh no - I see it now - big hairy Mike with the tattoos takes his morning break at work, and he's having an apple - he has brought it in his toolbox, along with his hacksaws and so on, but it is completely safe because it is in a lovely pink plastic case - he will be the envy of all his chums].

What it is really, of course, is an opportunity to send us something bearing the logo of Pink Lady apples. For reasons which elude me, discussion of apples always gets into ridiculous patriotic arguments. I have eaten and enjoyed French Golden Delicious apples for years, despite intermittent abuse from friends and acquaintances who insist that the mere existence on our supermarket shelves of the Golden Delicious is another dreadful attack from the Eurocrats, and that I should be dutifully eating Cox's Orange Pippins like a true Englishman. Pink Lady, I believe, are Australian. I have tried them - they were OK. I am unmoved.

The whole subject of promotional tat offered in the pretence that it is in some way useful or desirable also reminds me of the very strange phenomenon of free gifts offered with women's magazines. I regularly see magazines with an exciting "free gift" selotaped to the front cover. Typically, this gift will be a plastic make-up pouch bearing someone's brand name, and the quality and general usefulness of the pouch itself are such that anyone daring to give his wife or girlfriend such an object as a present would be a very foolish man indeed. And yet someone's marketing department has accurately identified that these items will be stored away somewhere, complete with advertising message, and maybe even treasured.

My view is that these free gifts are usually of less than no value - the quality is crap, and the implication is that they are giving it to you because they know you are a moron.

Anyway - I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it, but it is an apple case. There you are - our collective education progresses.


******


Late Edit: here are some Redlove Era apples (as mentioned in the comments) we prepared earlier - all stewed and ready to go in a crumble (oatmeal in the crumble topping) - that's the natural colour of the flesh:

Hooptedoodle #189 - Mystery Object

The Contesse has received this item through the mail - we think it may have been a runner-up prize in a competition of some sort. I was interested that such a thing existed - a knick-knack - yet another solution for a problem the world never knew it had.

It may well be screamingly obvious, but would anyone like to guess what it is? It is hollow, made of plastic, the top pops off, the bottom is perforated (for ventilation), you can hang it up by the string if you wish (no idea why anyone would wish). It is not a decoration, and has nothing to do with wasps. I included a ruler to give the size. The white bits in the picture are simply the reflected flash. There may well be a factory somewhere churning these things out by the million.

No prizes, not even runner-up prizes, but I thought I'd run this photo here to see if anyone thinks it is more useful than I do.

New Toy Shop

Well, hardly new, I think - but new to me. In addition to my terrible addiction to exotic dice, I also love good quality games equipment - counters, markers, all that.

Wooden counters and playing pieces, all shapes, sizes & colours

For the last few weeks I've been trawling around eBay looking for some suitable identifying markers - to denote brigade allocations and for various other purposes for my wargames. Nothing looked quite the right size, and the cheap tiddlywinks and stuff just looked shoddy - and there are never enough colours.

Today I think I hit the right spot - if you don't know them, this is www.spielmaterial.de - Harald Mücke, of Mönchengladbach. They have counters, playing pieces, terrain tiles for popular games, expansion bits for Carcassonne, traditional kids' toys... - recommend you have a look around the site, using this link, if you're interested in bits and pieces of this type.

Tonight I've ordered a stack of 8mm wooden cubes, just to stick a toe in the water - 10 each of 16 colours. 8mm cubes are small enough to be neat and tidy, but big enough to stay put and capable of being picked up by my elephant's-feet fingers.

The website is crisp and bright and logical and friendly, and they take PayPal. Oh - and their prices are good too.