Hooptedoodle #102 - Uncle Arthur

First thing to know about Uncle Arthur is that he wasn’t my uncle at all – he was just a friend of the family. Has that practice disappeared? I had a few uncles of that sort – maybe in those days it would have been too awful for kids to have called friends of the family by their first names, but Uncle X was OK.

Anyway, Arthur and Mrs Arthur lived in the flat below us. Very shortly after VE-Day, my parents got married and rented an enormous Victorian flat in Princes Park, Liverpool. Immediately afterwards, Austerity arrived. My dad was told by Mersey Docks and Harbour Board (he was the chief radio and RADAR service engineer for the Port of Liverpool at the time) that all overtime was cancelled indefinitely, his wage dropped to about a third of what it had been and he was now stuck with a big flat he couldn’t really afford.  Soon after that he had a new family that he couldn’t afford, either – that’s how it was in those days.

Arthur had never made commissioned rank, but had served in the RAF, a gunner in Bomber Command, and on the arrival of peace and the Brave New World Arthur was one of the lucky few who were offered a career which was beyond their obvious qualifications. Arthur was sent to night school to learn to be a teacher – which involved exciting stuff such as chemistry, which he had never got to play with before. Arthur got a bit hung up on the chemistry course.

My mum and dad (this is before I was born) used to do a lot of cinema-going, and, when Arthur was in the full ecstasy of his studies, they used to take his wife with them to the movies, and leave him to get on with it.

There are many tales of their delivering his wife home again at the end of the evening, to discover what Arthur had achieved during their absence. On a couple of occasions he answered the door with a demonic grin and a distinct lack of eyebrows – Arthur went through a phase of being fascinated by explosives. One weekend, he and my dad decided to test one of his home-made bombs on a derelict hen-house in the back yard. My dad (being the electrical man) devised a detonator and they set up their experiment one Sunday, placing themselves behind some stone steps which led down to the cellar. They threw the detonator switch, and…. nothing happened. This bomb was by far the largest Arthur had built so far, complete with cocoa tin housing, and the breathless excitement of the occasion was definitely heightened by uncertainty over exactly how much of the neighbourhood it might take out, so a non-detonation was not a routine event. Legend has it that they stayed behind the steps for a couple of hours before they dared go to check what was wrong.

I believe they abandoned that test, and dismantled the bomb.

My grandad was very dubious about the whole thing. “You’ll come in one night,” he said, “and there’ll be a bloody big bulge in the floor – you wait and see.”

Arthur moved on from his studies, and later on – in the time of my own recollection – he had a series of fairly extreme hobbies, all of which involved my dad and led to a crazy competitive element. For a while it was tropical fish – both flats suddenly had enormous tank systems in the kitchen window – I can still remember the Tiger Barbs, Mollies, various kinds of Angel Fish and – above all – Siamese Fighting Fish. There was money in Siamese Fighters if you bred them successfully, and then there was a lot of tight-lipped professional criticism and the competitive bit got out of hand. For a while, Arthur’s Fighting Fish were indisputably better than ours (though, naturally, we disputed it), but then they got a terrible disease and the whole thing petered out in financial loss and fits of the sulks. The most interesting thing that I remember about Siamese Fighting Fish is that if you put a handbag mirror against the side of the tank they would attack their own reflection, which was very bad for the fish but quite a lot of fun nonetheless.

Then it was soup. Yes – that’s right – soup. Our flat (and Arthur’s) was one day full of big earthenware pots, and there were strange soup stocks brewing away in all the cupboards, which involved secret shipments of pigs’ trotters, ox tails and all manner of spices. I can’t remember what happened to the soups, but then we moved on to bread-making (which was stymied by rationing), then briefly it was pickled onions (which is limited in scope, you have to admit) and the next big thing I remember was Pressure Cookers.

Do they still have Pressure Cookers? If I remember correctly, ours were made by the Prestige Company – the idea was that you did your cooking in a sealed pan which had a weight-loaded release valve. Since the boiling point of water depends on the pressure, it is possible to raise the cooking temperature by carrying it out at high pressure, so that application of a heavy weight to the valve meant that you could reduce the cooking time for a stew from (say) 4 hours to (say) 2 hours by raising the boiling temperature. If you cannot see much excitement in this – especially in the context of post-war Britain when there wasn’t a lot to spend your time on anyway – then I am with you all the way.

Anyway, the pressure cookers took on the same competitive edge which all the other hobbies had, but it all ended strangely one day when Arthur decided to try cooking porridge in a pressure cooker. He did a very careful calculation, applied a valve-weight which was well above the safety specification of the pan (you could get extra bits for these around the back of Birkenhead market), and reckoned that he could reduce the preparation of porridge (which his family hated, by the way) to about 15 minutes. Sadly, the valve stuck.

When the calculated time was up, Arthur opened his pressure-cooker in a state of great excitement and was disappointed and mystified to find that it was empty. In fact the valve had eventually freed itself, and a jet of super-heated porridge (which would have killed any life form it contacted) was released, forming a giant oatcake a few millimetres thick and about 1.5 metres diameter, which solidified handsomely on the kitchen ceiling, where it remained for a surprising length of time. Arthur retired from the Pressure Cooking Wars immediately (possibly on advice from his family), and my dad’s pressure cooker fell into disuse shortly after.

More seriously, Arthur eventually won whatever competition it was they thought they were in. He made a success of his teaching career and – despite the contempt that my dad heaped upon him in private – became the first of the two who was able to afford to start buying his own house. He had won – a small but decisive victory – for ever. He moved away to his new house, and my dad found bigger fish to despise.

I met Arthur years later – in my late teens I played for a local cricket club in Mossley Hill, and one of our yearly fixtures was against the local NALGO team (National Association of Local Government Officers) – probably their second team, in fact – and almost all of them were teachers at that time. Arthur opened the batting for them – still larger than life, still terminally cheerful, and very much as I remembered him from my infancy.

He had a daughter the same age as me, who eventually became headmistress of one of the biggest girls’ schools in Liverpool, but all I really remember about her is that she had a very serious accident and wet the floor in Mrs Pritchard’s class on about Day 3 of the first term of primary school – I can still visualize the puddle spreading on the parquet floor - and that brought an abrupt end to our friendship. I mean, there were standards, even in the age of austerity…

Solo Campaign - Week 32

Vernet's portrait of Pablo Morillo

Well, after last week's misfortunes for the Spanish army, there's a lot of trouble, as you might expect. Poor old Giron had to retreat to Guadalajara in the most trying of circumstances, and lost a whole lot more of his troops on the way. Tarleton has put in his customary, tactful tuppenceworth and it is all really very difficult.

Giron has blamed the poor performance of Espana's Division for his defeat, and Espana has claimed that the positioning of the army made defeat inevitable - there is mention of a major rift between these gentlemen - Espana was talked out of challenging Giron to a duel, but they are currently refusing to answer each other's communications. The only individuals in the Spanish Third Army who have come out of this with any credit are Espeleta, who did an unexpectedly good job standing in for Morillo, and Morillo himself, who had the good fortune to be absent through ill health and thus has managed to avoid any share of the blame. 

Morillo is tipped as the Third Army's next commander, though it is unlikely to be able to take the field for the foreseeable future. Once again, there are mutterings about the Supreme Junta requesting Wellington's secondment to Spanish service, but it seems very unlikely. 

Morillo's portrait of Horace Vernet

Week 32

Random Events and Strategic Notes

The two defeated Spanish armies have retreated, each in its own way. Since there is nowhere they can move to without leaving Vizcaya (which is not permitted under the campaign rules), the irregular army commanded by “El Banquero” is subject to the special guerrilla rules, and is removed from the map. This represents dispersal of the troops and loss of equipment, but the Junta de Vizcaya may mobilise this force again if required.

Giron’s Third Army, following its defeat at Vinuesa, is both Tired and Demoralised, and – since there is no alternative – must retreat into either Calatayud or Guadalajara. In both cases, the roads are rough, and the retreat is subject to harassment from French cavalry (this is not classified as Severe Harrassment since Jourdan does not have much of a superiority in fresh cavalry after Vinuesa.) The prospects for Giron are not good in the short term, however this works out.

News of Giron’s defeat has reached Aigburth (Tarleton), who has sent a strongly worded communication to the Spanish Principal Junta, from which is taken the following extract:

"Despite every advantage of ground, superiority of numbers and weight of ordnance, and despite the very evident courage and stubbornness displayed by the soldiery, there is no escaping the fact that Captain General Giron’s army has been badly beaten by the weakest of the three French field armies -  and it is to be noted that this French army consisted primarily of Allied auxiliaries who are not regarded as being of the highest calibre or having the highest levels of motivation. It is important that General Giron should rest and re-organise his army, and I shall offer him any assistance he requires for this, but I have no further confidence in the ability of large Spanish armies to engage the enemy in set-piece actions of this type. Whatever may have been the agreement with my predecessor, I shall assume that the initiative in the field for this campaign lies chiefly with my own forces. By any standards, my esteemed colleague’s performance has been a great disappointment.

Housekeeping

The 3D3 activation throws give the Allies 4 and the French 4. Since the Allies had the initiative last week, they opt to move first.

Moves

Allies (4 allowed)

1 – Sp B (Giron, at Soria) retreats his defeated army over the hilly roads into Guadalajara. This requires a test, for all sorts of reasons

2D3 = 4 +2 (Giron’s rating) -1 (brown road) -1 (Demoralised) -1 (Tired) -1 (Harrassment) = 2   - the army arrives in Guadalajara, but there is extensive further loss through desertion and troops being cut off from their units [Dice for every base/block making the retreat – regulars are lost on a throw of 1 or 2, irregular/militia on a throw of 1, 2 or 3]

2 – Sp G (El Banquero’s irregular troops at Soria) disperses and is removed from the map, though the Junta de Vizcaya may raise this force again…

 [Intelligence step -

• No new information.] 

French (4 allowed)

1 – R (Paquerette, with Garde Nationale force at Soria), rests

2 – K (Jourdan/Joseph, at Soria) rests

3 – U (Siege Train and King Joseph’s baggage train) marches from Valladolid to Burgos

4 – I (Clauzel, at Valladolid) sends scouting patrols into Salamanca, to watch Aigburth’s army

 [Intelligence step –

• No new information.] 

Supplies and Demoralisation

All units are in supply. Giron’s army suffers further losses on the retreat to Guadalajara: Regulars lose 1600 infantry and 3 guns, Volunteers and Militia lose 2800 infantry, 130 cavalry and 4 guns.

Contacts

None.

Hooptedoodle #101 - What Are You Doing in My Garden?

[If you're looking for the report of the big battle where the Spanish army got hammered, it's the previous post]

The Summer is definitely coming to a close - cold and windy here, but this afternoon there was a bit of sunshine, and it seemed a good opportunity to give the lawns their last cut of the year. An area of one of the lawns seems to have turned into a mushroom bed. So I thought I should photograph them before I mowed them into oblivion (we don't mess about, me and the Honda...).

I wondered if they were edible - we did have a small crop of morels some months ago (which we didn't eat), but these new chaps look a bit like Jack-o'-Lantern to me, which will give you a definite touch of The Others, so not only will I not eat them, but I'll also wash my hands carefully before I eat anything else.

Not seen these in anything like this quantity before. I don't think it's the Global Warming; like the morels, they are certainly caused by the rotting of the roots of our old Eucalyptus, which was cut down 4 or 5 years ago (or whatever), and the roots must be brewing up nicely.

Attractive though, eh?

Solo Campaign - Battle of Vinuesa, Saturday 22nd August 1812

General view at the start, from behind the French right

Battle of Vinuesa, 22^nd Aug 1812

Spanish Third Army (General Pedro Agostin Giron) - 13200 inf, 1800 cavalry, 18 guns

First Division (España)

            Zaldibar’s Brigade

                        1/2^o Princesa + Tiradores de Castilla

            Parker Carroll’s Brigade

                        1/Sevilla + 1/2^o Jaen + Cazadores de Castilla

            Pardo’s Brigade*

Vols de Valencia + Ligero del Reino de Valencia + 2^o Loyales de Zamora + Defensores de Fernando VII

            Cavalry Brigade* (Sanchez)

                        1^er & 2^o Lanceros de Castilla

Foot battery (Capt Herrera)

Avila volunteer battery* (Capt Arguellas)

Second Division (Morillo) – Morillo was absent, ill, and Espeleta commanded the Division

            Bausa y Ortiz’s Brigade

                        1/Leon + 1/Bailen + Vols de la Victoria  

            Cordoba’s Brigade

                        1/La Union + 1/2^o Mallorca + Legion Extremena

            Espeleta’s Brigade*

                        Vols de Guadalajara + Aragon + Cuenca + Regto del Ribeiro

            Cavalry Brigade (Penne)

Coraceros Espanoles + Hus de Extemadura + Vols de España

Foot battery (Capt Hidalgo)

Foot battery (Capt Estrabismo)

* - formations marked with an asterisk are classified as militia for C&CN rules

Since the Spanish artillery batteries have only 4 guns each, they are classed as “Reduced” in the CCN rules

French Army (Marshal Jourdan) - 9950 inf, 1750 cavalry, 14 guns

Division D’Armagnac [from Army of Centre]

            Brigade Neuenstein

                        2e Nassau (2 Bns) + Regt de Francfort (1) + 4e Bade (2)

            Brigade Chassé

                        4e Hesse-Darmstadt (2) + 3e Berg (1)

            Brigade St Paul (Italian)

                        2e Léger (1) + 3e (2) & 5e Ligne (2)

Italian Foot battery (Capt Ferrarese)

Cavalry (Maupoint) [combined from Armies of Centre & North]

            Brigade Maupoint

                        13e Cuirassiers + 15e Chass a Chev + 5e Chev-Leg

Brigade Kleinwinkel

1er & 2e Chev-Leg Rugeois

11/3e Art a Cheval (Capt Demilune)

The positions and the development of the action should be clear from the pictures. Giron placed his right on a loop of low but quite rugged hills. His overriding concern throughout was that a large proportion of his troops were volunteers (who rank as militia in the game rules). Spanish line troops are subject to double retreats, and militia to treble retreats, and this did prove to be a major problem throughout the day. He placed Morillo’s line division on these hills, with the majority of the voluntarios in reserve, behind them. Morillo himself was absent, suffering from malaria, and his division was commanded on the day by General Espeleta.

The Spanish left was in more open terrain, and Giron stood Espana’s veterans in this area, making best use of wooded areas. He placed his cavalry on both flanks, expecting them to play little part in the action.

Jourdan had St Paul’s Italian brigade on his left, entering the field through more woods. The German brigades which formed the remainder of D’Armagnac’s Division occupied the middle and right of the French position.

The Italians made little progress against Espeleta on the French left, but a regular pattern began to emerge. As Spanish units were driven back, the multiple retreats had a big effect – apart from the loss of ground, there were numerous occasions when retiring units did not have room to make a full retreat, and the rules force a loss of blocks when this happens. For the first hour of the action the impression was that the movement and the weight of fire appeared to be about even, but the Spanish problem with retreats meant that the eliminated units were all Spanish. The “Victory Banners” score very quickly rose to 6-0, 10 being the target required for an overall win.

The French had every advantage they could have hoped for – apart from the assymetrical rules, they also had marvellous cards and dice throws throughout. Jourdan would do well to retire from the army at this moment, for he will never have such a lucky day again.

One such card – La Grande Manoeuvre – resulted in a sudden advance, as the French centre moved to their right and a heavy attack developed against Espana’s troops, who crumbled disappointingly, and a fairly humble brigade of Confederation light cavalry, with no particular reputation but with Maupoint leading them in person, swept away the Spanish cavalry and clinched a convincing and surprisingly one-sided win (10-2 in banners) to the French. Giron’s right remained doggedly where it started, but his left was destroyed.

This result is a major setback to the Allies’ progress, and the appointments of a number of the Spanish generals are under close examination. Espana in particular has been heavily criticised, but there is a great deal of mutual accusation as to who is to take the blame for the disaster.

The Spanish lost 4200 infantry, 1125 cavalry and 4 guns, the French lost 1600 infantry and 125 cavalry. The fact that Giron had the advantage of defence, greater numbers and more artillery is not lost on his political opponents.

Legio Extremena in the woods

The Spanish left - where it all went wrong

Spanish position, from their left flank

General Giron's big day out - he may not get another...

Spanish Line troops, 1812 style - 2nd Mallorca

Italians - the woods were full of them

Genl Von Neuenstein with the 2nd Nassau - the spyglass was a useful precaution,
since he managed to stay a long way from the action

Stoical Germans - the Confederation troops did a great job - just got on with it

Gunner's view - that Spanish battery opposite didn't stay there long

The Spanish left wing again - hmmm...   Espana with the white base border

  

In comparison, the right wing did well, but with heavy losses

The Spanish right, from another viewpoint

Here is the crux of the matter - the Regimiento del Ribeiro, being voluntarios, have
to take triple retreats - one hit, plus a retreat they didn't have space for, did for them.
There was a lot of this.

The combined light companies from St Paul's Italian brigade performed real
heroics, but were battered in the end

Spanish volunteer artillery. On the day, they couldn't hit the proverbial
 whatsit in the thingummy with a how's-your-father

Great card - started the French swing to the right

Here they go...

The briefest of appearances by my posh new Spanish hussars ended with their
being soundly beaten by the brigade of Rugeois light horse, led by Maupoint

That would do it - the sort of dice which the French turned up all day

Espeleta brings forward the Bailen regiment, possibly wishing he'd gone
for a less conspicuous uniform

The French attack, from behind their right

Maupoint, with the unstoppable Rugeois, finishes the game

Position at the finish - the Spanish left, at this end, has gone

Whichever way you look at it...

Some friends of Lee's! - some of the voluntarios - they look great, but they didn't do
so well today!

I'll include the revised maps and army returns with Week 32's report, in a few days.