Hooptedoodle #67 - Hardboard

Once, years ago, when I was both more stupid and more vigorous than I am now, I decided to make a large, wall-mounted display cabinet with sliding glass doors. It was not going to be a top-quality job, but it was probably a brave effort.

My cabinet needed a hardboard back, and it was important that this back board should be accurately cut and have clean edges. Hardboard was regularly used in those days to do the jobs that thin MDF sheet does now, and it was awful stuff to cut cleanly. I really did not fancy my chances of making a decent job of the back board with the Stone Age tools I had available – this one-piece backboard was going to be around five feet wide and about 3-and-a-half feet high. You may, if you wish, share the vision I had of trying to measure and cut a flexible board of this size with a hand saw, supported on a row of dining chairs or something equally useless.

I had a great idea, though. I phoned up my local DIY store, and spoke to a very nice girl, who promised that they would cut a sheet to the exact dimensions I specified, with perfect right-angle corners and crisp edges, and would deliver it to my house in a few days. Excellent. My measurements, needless to say, were correct to a sixteenth of an inch, and the girl took a careful note of them and read them back to me. She explained to me that they had recently started doing all measurements in millimetres, but there was no problem, since they would simply convert my exact measurements and everything would be fine. I paid by credit card, arranged for the item to be left with a neighbour, and quietly congratulated myself on having removed one major headache from the job.

Later the same week, my elderly neighbour reported that he had received a large item addressed to me, and there it was – packed around the edges with padding, and looking really good. Secure in the knowledge that the back board was all ready to be fixed on, I cracked on with the cabinet, but when the time came to add the back, I was horrified to find it was a few millimetres big in both directions. I checked everything – they had cut it perfectly, but it was a little too big.

I got to bed that night about 4 a.m., having trimmed the board and faked up the two new edges as best I could. It was not really very good – I arranged to have the more ragged edges at the top and near the corner of the room, but I would always know they were there. You know how it is? – something else to gnaw away at you forever – another little failure...

I phoned the store, and got the same girl, who remembered me very clearly (I would rather not think about just why she remembered me). She found the spec sheet, with the exact measurements, and could not understand what had gone wrong.

“They would have converted your measurements exactly, but we always round to the higher centimetre, to be on the safe side.”

I was dumbstruck by this last piece of information, and asked why they did this, and she said,

“Company policy – it’s what our customers want – and, anyway, all items measured in metric are always bigger.”

This should have some upsides, you would think – petrol bought in litres should give you more in the tank (though of course the kilometre journeys would be longer – hmmm...), metric cans of beer should quench a bigger thirst and so on. In fact, some rounding is a sensible thing to do – I recall visiting Cork in the 1980s and being very impressed that they had erected some smart new European signs advising motorists that the speed limit in town was now 48 kph – the metric equivalent of the old speed limit of 30 mph.

I digress. The cabinet was finished, though I never quite forgave it. It developed another problem over the years, since the weight of the glass doors gradually pulled it a little out of shape, and the doors did not shut properly. Eventually I dismantled it and put it in a public rubbish tip, and I felt somehow cleansed when it was gone.

But I have never forgotten that metric items are always bigger. There are occasions in one’s life when a sudden light-bulb of understanding turns on, and I believe that we have to embrace these moments when they arrive.       

Give-away - Almost Nothing for Nothing

I’m in the process of trying to tidy up my den/office, and there’s a wad of old Historex Napoleonic uniform information sheets that I keep coming up against – mostly French – dating from the 1970s. This is a left-over from my recent loft-clearing activities in East Kilbride, to raise money on eBay for Cancer Research. I keep promising myself I’ll throw them out, but somehow it seems a shame to do this.

There’s nothing particularly rare in this lot, but there’s plenty of it, and Historex are legendary for being correct. If you are interested, please leave a comment with contact details (tell me if you don’t want it published), or email me through my Blogger profile. Depending on the size of the response, I’ll devise some fiendish system for choosing a recipient, and will mail it to the lucky volunteer/winner. The desirable object on offer is a stack of A4 sheets folded in half, which is about 1 inch thick and weighs around 450 gm. It is also a little faded, and smells a bit – how Old School do you want, anyway?

It may as well go in your dustbin as mine. If there is no response at all, of course, I shall pretend that someone emailed me.

Late edit - I was asked for a sample picture - here you go...

Late late edit - thanks to Hugh, Benjamin, Allen, Marco P, The Red Fox(?) and Mossmorran for your interest - I rolled a six-sided die, and Hugh wins - I'll get the envelope away to Maverick Collecting. No doubt there will be more exciting chuck-out offers coming up, so stay tuned! 

ECW - More Recruits

I made a slow job of finishing them off, what with Hadrian's Wall and other interruptions, but here's two new regiments of foot - pretty similar to the last two, really. The chaps in green are Tillier's Regt (R), veterans of the wars in Ireland - these are Les Higgins figures, apart from a converted Hinton Hunt ensign and an SHQ officer.

The other lot are Ralph Ashton's Regt (P), in a fine shade of LMS red, which this very old schoolboy feels is entirely appropriate for a Lancashire unit (in a rather convoluted way - if you have no idea what I'm talking about, it doesn't matter, it would take too long to explain). Ashton's men are Hinton Hunts apart from the Higgins drummer. As has become my standard practice, I've modified the standard bearer, removing the cast metal flag and the giant base, and fitting a wire staff.

The planned pikes made from my new brown florist's wire were abandoned very quickly - the brown-covered wire is thinner than the normal green wire, is not rigid enough and didn't even cut nicely, so I'm back to the green wire, which requires painting and varnishing, as before. Another wizard wheeze bites the dust...

With luck, I should have yet another two units fettled and ready for painting by the end of this weekend, so by my own pedestrian standards I'm fairly rattling along!

Hooptedoodle #66 - Tiger Tank Slippers

My deep thanks to Iain Mac, who has brightened my morning - nay, my week - by drawing my attention to this ad on Etsy. The item for sale is a pattern for crocheting a pair of Tiger 1 slippers, no less, and you can see how desirable these are from the illustration.

My faith in the human race is at least partly restored - I think these are wonderful. If you do not wish to be the only kid in your gang who does not have a pair of these by Christmas, you'll find the full advert here - and here's a scan of it.

Excellent - thanks again, Iain.

ECW - the first Royalist unit of Horse

Finally got my new ECW cavalry unit based and provided with a suitable flag. Lee did his customary super job with the painting, so I am very pleased with them. I have a further two regiments of foot which are almost finished, and hope to get more units fettled and ready for painting by next weekend.

The cavalry figures are by Kennington/SHQ - I really like their ECW cavalry.

This is getting dangerously close to progress. There is a minimum size of army - anything too small and it seems like one of those "abandoned projects" one sees for sale on eBay. I would like to move fairly quickly to about 6 units of foot and (say) two of horse on each side, plus a couple of artillery units and the odd general. At that point it becomes a work in progress rather than a geeky and uncertain prototype. I also have a small resin mountain of very nice (15mm) period buildings from Hovels to paint, so I must get on with that as well.

Here's the new guys, anyway. More soon.

Hooptedoodle #65b - Hadrian's Wall - Days 3 to 6

Day 3 – Saturday – Banks to Twice Brewed Inn – 14 miles

After the ritual Full English breakfast (death by Cumberland Sausage) we set off in a beautiful morning. Early morning ground frost disappeared quickly, and we had almost perfect walking weather, though we still had to watch out for mud patches.

The track passes through many fields, mostly with a stile in the corner. For some reason (perverse humour?) the cattle like to congregate in the corners, so that an attractive green field will have areas of deep gloop in front of the stile where it has been trampled.

After Greenhead, the track swings round towards the first of the crags – a jaw-dropping sight, with just a small thrill of trepidation about how near the edge the track goes. In fact it is strenuous – more so than I expected, though not as severe as some of the Austrian walks or the Pentlands Hills hike I did recently. The trail goes up and down a series of steep cliff-top paths, with stone steps inserted to protect the trail and make the climbing safer. Having said which, I would hate to attempt these steps in the wet.

One of my colleagues was having problems with blisters, and our speed of walking slowed right down. At one point I was concerned that at our current rate we would not get off the hills before it became too dark for safety. However, after a pretty hard day we reached the Twice Brewed Inn, which served up its very fine eponymous beer and magnificent slow-roast pork belly with mashed spuds and black pudding (apologies to any vegans, especially teetotal vegans).

Cumbrian countryside

Birdoswald

What became a familiar view - the path runs straight ahead

Yet another milecastle

The history walks along with you

Medieval rip-off - Thirlwall Castle - "Excuse me, sir, I don't suppose

you would know anything about the whereabouts of a large quantity of

very old masonry?"

First glimpse of the crags after Greenhead

Up and down...

...and up again

One of my colleagues, feet badly blistered, delighted to reach the Twice

Brewed Inn as the sun sets behind him

Day 4 – Sunday – Twice Brewed Inn to Greencarts Farm (Humshaugh) – 15 miles

Another fantastic day’s walking. The Twice Brewed is a little off the hill trail, so we had to climb back up to the top of the crags, and then once again we had the switchback path and amazing views, along past the lake of Craig Lough, Housesteads fort, and eventually the path dropped down to run alongside the road. This was a rather boring section after the wonders of the earlier part of the day, and the weather began to deteriorate – wet and increasingly cold.

We arrived, tired and a bit grumpy, at Greencarts, to learn that there was an amber weather warning for the next two days. I had no idea what an amber warning signified, but it didn’t sound like good news.

Due mention must be made here of Mrs Maughan at Greencarts, who, since it was Sunday, produced roast gammon, complete with Yorkshire pudding, stuffing and home grown root vegetables. Raspberry sponge to follow – what a good job we were on a walking trip!

Turret on the crags

Craig Lough far below - complete with swans

The remains of an arch at Housesteads

And if you thought you were getting to walk on the actual Wall, forget it.

COH.II.SAG.HAM. would have found this funny, I think

The north wall of Housesteads from the barbarian side

Near Greencarts

Day 5 – Monday – Greencarts to Heddon-on-the-Wall – 18 miles

It turns out that an amber warning is definitely not what you are looking for on a walk like this. The wind was now in our faces, the temperature dropped and the rain was horizontal. The last two days of this walk are not very interesting anyway – there is very little actual wall to see, so it is mostly an act of faith. After you leave Chesters fort behind you, for all the visual evidence you might as well be walking the Great Wall of China at this stage.

We did give serious thought to getting a bus into Hexham and abandoning the full walk, but – though we were wet and cold and thoroughly miserable – we stuck with it and got through a hard slog. I am delighted to say that my gear stood up well to the test – my old Brasher boots were terrific, and my cheapo Regatta waterproof over-trousers were a life-saver.

We stayed at a ranch-style hostel on a farm, dried our kit and listened to news of serious flooding in Morpeth, plus forecasts of more of the same for the next day. At night it was hard to sleep for the wind roaring. It occurred to me that if someone had been employing me to do this trip I would have resigned at that moment.

I’m sorry there are no pictures of the last two days – it was just too wet to get my camera out.

Day 6 – Tuesday – Heddon-on-the-Wall to Wallsend – 14 miles

We were now sufficiently cynical to make some policy decisions.

First point to note is that we were tired and cold and keen to complete our walk from coast to coast with or without reference to Roman walls or anything else. Second point to note – which may justify our attitude a little – is that the official Hadrian’s Wall Path walk is a thing of compromise anyway. The site of the wall is known, and the original scheme was for a walk to follow it, but concerns about erosion, disagreements with individual farmers about access to their land and – more significantly – involvement of the National Trails people have fudged the routing of the eastern-most section of the walk. The HWP through Newcastle is now a scenic trek along the northern bank of the Tyne, which has nothing to do with Hadrian except that it ends at the site of Segedunum, the coastal fort at the end of the wall.

We decided to cut out the detour and walk straight through central Newcastle to Wallsend, which was probably a smart move.

Done it. Tired and cold, but unbloodied and in good shape.

Afterthoughts

Am I glad I did it? Definitely. Was it as I expected? More or less – some of the climbing was harder work than I thought it would be, and on some of the sections – especially in the bad weather – the tedium is a killer, but overall it is not nearly so arduous as the West Highland Way in Scotland. In the direction we did the walk – apart from the separate objective of crossing England on foot – days 1, 5 and 6 were not very stimulating.

I think I might revisit Hadrian some time in the future (if I’m spared....), but I would approach it differently – I would book a few nights at the Twice Brewed and do day walks over defined stages of the crags in the central section. That really is the very best of the wall, and an unforgettable experience.

Last little moan – the signposting on the walk is generally good, but from time to time there are no clues which way to go, and some of the pointers are inaccurate, which is not helpful if the conditions are difficult. Compared with my recent experience of the excellent signposting of walkways in the Tyrol, I think the HWP could do rather better in this respect.

However – mustn’t grumble. I met a lot of interesting people and was grateful for a lot of hospitality and kindness, and I had an excellent time.

The museum at Segedunum, on a much sunnier day. We couldn't find the place at first, failing to realise that the large building that looks like a modern colliery was what we were looking for. I had hoped to see the big cranes at Swan Hunter's shipyard, but sadly they have been
sent to China.

Hooptedoodle #65a - Hadrian's Wall - Days 1 & 2

First glimpse of actual Roman wall, between Walton and Banks

Day 1 – Thursday – Bowness-on-Solway to Stanwick (Carlisle) – 12 miles

No pictures today. Incessant rain and deep mud (I sank almost to my knees in a harmless looking field – Cumbrian mud is special) made this day rather heavy going – not helped by the fact that we made an ill-judged detour of about 3 miles to get a distant view of a monument to Edward I on the marshes – he died there, of dysentery. No visible trace of Roman walls thus far – at one point we travelled along an interestingly straight road which we thought might well follow the line of the wall, but in fact it was built on an old railway! A few herons on the tidal flats of the Solway, but mostly the day was a bit grim.

Bright spots in the evening were an excellent Indian meal in a Tandoori restaurant in Carlisle, catching part of a rare Liverpool FC win on TV in the pub and – best of all – heroic efforts by our host at the B&B to help us clean and dry our boots and wash some very dirty clothes. Most kind and much appreciated.

Day 2 – Friday – Stanwick to Banks (near Walton) – 14 miles

Much better day – little or no rain, but still a lot of slow progress through muddy areas. We got our first sighting of a recognisable piece of wall near the end of the day. This is a very rural area – villages well spaced out, and most of the pubs have shut down, apparently. The recession is here.

Despite the lack of authentic wall thus far, there is an abundance of rectangular blocks of dressed stone in the dry-stone dykes and the barns, and it’s pretty obvious where it came from…

Because refreshment sites are thin on the ground, there are a number of honesty bars along the way offering cold drinks and snacks – something I’ve not seen on other walking trails. Tomorrow we should get into the sections where the wall is much more continuous – with luck the mud should be better, though there will be more climbing to do. Beautiful countryside - as we climbed up towards Banks, there were fine views to the South West to Skiddaw and the Lake District.

Main problem to date - the mud seems almost bottomless at times

Hadrian's personal honesty bar service - a classy touch - a

Coke or a Mars bar from the Emperor's personal stocks